Finding Casanova: Book 1

Saving Casanova

*TROY*

I've never felt so torn in my entire life. My heart was shattered into a million pieces. I felt a piece of me was taken. A dark cloud hovered over me as I sat in the first row of the funeral home. His casket was in front of me. This pain ate me alive as I held my tears. He was taken from me, he died in my arms and that doesn't sit well with me.

"Hey, son," James approached me as he sat next to me. He was calm but I know he was broken inside. I saw him cry outside but he was consoled by an elegant woman. She hugged him as he cried loudly. I'm guessing someone he's dating.

"Hey," I could barely talk without choking on my words. My eyes stung every time I closed them. My heart broke every time I saw his casket. James put his hand on my shoulder.

"He's with his mother and brother. I know it's painful but now he's resting," he couldn't finish his sentence when he broke into tears. I was strong as I tried my hardest not to break down.

"Sweetie, I'm here," the elegant lady came up to James again as she comforted him.

"Hi my name is Virginia," a small smile appeared on her face as she sat next to James. She was beautiful as her blonde hair cascaded down her back, her eyes were emerald green, her skin was porcelain and she wore an elegant black cocktail dress. She wiped her tears as she rubbed James's back.

"I'm Troy," I couldn't hold my tears. I stood up as I slowly walked to Espian's casket, every step I took my heart was crushed. I finally was in front of his casket. I yelled as I hugged his casket. "Why did you leave me! I can't live without you! I just can't!" I slowly fell to the floor.

"Hey bro," I heard Jake's voice. "I'm here for you, he's gone," I stood up and grasped his jacket.

"He's not gone! He's alive inside me!" I buried my face into his chest as he held me. "I fucken can't feel anything anymore, he took him from me," I cried as my heart couldn't take this pain anymore.

"Jayden is in jail," Jake said as rage took over.

"Don't fucken say his name, ever," I pulled away as I stood up. I glanced around as family members stared at me.

Virginia approached me. "Come with me sweetie," she grabbed my hand as she took me to the hallway.

Rain poured outside as I glanced at the window. The perfect weather to match how I felt. "Troy, I know it's difficult to swallow this pain. I lost my son a couple of years ago and I still feel his presence but the pain will always be there. And you know why?" I glanced at her glistening green eyes.

"Why?" My words were cold and sour.

"Because he lives inside you, like you said, he will always be with you. It will take time to heal your wounds but you must move on. You're young and I'm pretty sure Espian doesn't want you to end up alone," her words stung me but it was the truth. I needed to move on but not right now. I need to feel him inside me.

"It hurts a lot," I choked as she pulled me into a hug. Her floral perfume was calming but this pain was
agonizing.

"I know, I know," I let out a loud cry. "It's ok to cry," she added. "Now let's go back inside, be strong and we'll get through this," she held my face as she kissed my cheeks. I nodded as we went back inside.

It was a painful funeral as I was out of tears. All I felt was pain, a pain that lingered inside me. Now, I need saving. I need to save myself because this pain is consuming me and I don't know if I could survive it.

~A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER~

I took a couple of weeks off from work. Thankfully, Mr. Kingston understood my grief and told me I could take as much time as I needed. I just needed a couple of weeks and then I'll drown myself into work.

I flew back to New York to visit Espian's grave. It's been hard to deal with this pain. I rarely left my apartment. I've slept for countless hours. If it wasn't for Jake I would've probably starved myself.

I'm ready to see him again, at least his grave. The cab dropped me off at the cemetery as the cold wind grazed my skin. I slowly walked to his grave. He was buried next to his mom and brother. I saw someone sitting by his grave. I slowly approached as I noticed it was Shane. His eyes were red as he quickly stood up. "Hey," his voice stuttered as he wiped his tears.

"Hey," I glanced at Espian's grave as my heart shattered again. I placed the bouquet of white roses on top of his grave. I tried to hold my tears but it was impossible. I fell to my knees as I covered my face. I couldn't help but weep in agony.

"I'm sorry man, it fucken hurts to think that he's gone," Shane put his hand on my shoulder as I grabbed it.

"Thanks, man. It's painful but I'm slowly getting over it," I wiped my tears as I stood up.

"How have you been?" I genuinely asked him.

"Some days are rough, others are ok," his voice cracked. "I'll give you some time alone," I nodded as he touched my shoulder. I heard his footsteps faintly dissipate.

I sat next to his grave. "Hey, honey badger. I miss you with all my heart and there's is not one day that passes that I wish you were here," I touched his engraved name on his tombstone. I took ok his blue bracelet. "I was going to return you this but...," I heard footsteps slowly approach.

"Did you forget something?" I turned around and it wasn't Shane. It was Rowen. He held a bouquet of red roses.

"What are you doing here?"

He raised his brow as he slowly approached me. "I thought you might need some company," he placed the bouquet next to mine.

He sat next to me as I gazed into his blue glacial eyes. I closed my eyes as it reminded me of Espian. "I know it's hard to let anyone in right now. I know,  I've been through this myself. I lost my partner a year ago and I know it's tough but you'll be able to get through those wounds," I opened my eyes as my tears rivered down my cheek. I glanced at him as his smile calmed me.

"How do I start to heal those wounds?" A lump of tears was stuck in my throat.

He lifted his hand as he cleaned my tears. "You have to find yourself and love yourself," a cold breeze passed in between us. I felt tranquil. "He's here," I glanced one last time at him. The corner of his lips curved as he slowly grasped my hand. "I could help you, all you need to do is ask," I held his hand as a tiny part of me felt a pinch in my heart.

I didn't answer him. He sat closer to me as I put my head on his shoulder. We sat there until the sun came down. I need to find myself. I just need to find the courage to do it.

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Book Two: Saving Casanova