To Fall And Conquer (It Girls Series #2)

Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Ciel And His Lies

"I'm here," I announced with a faint smile on my lips. Inihatid niya ako sa trabaho ngayon tapos ay mamayang alas siyete ng gabi ay siya naman ang aalis. And I'm sure I won't be at home by seven. We won't be seeing each other again for the next few days and I hate myself from preferring it to be that way.

I hate that I prefer my boyfriend to be away for a few days instead of having him by my side.

I felt another stir of guilt inside my stomach when I looked at him once more, smiling at me, showing his dimple. But the way how the lights in his deep brown eyes remained dimmed despite him smiling at me is what bothers me all the time.

"Bye. Save a lot of lives today. I'll see you in the next few days?" He said, still smiling at me.

I hate how considerate you are, Ciel... For once, be selfish. Stop thinking about me and start thinking about you.

"Okay," I said under my breath with a smile on my face. Pinilit ko pa ring ngumiti kahit na naglalaban ang kalooban ko. That's what he's been doing too.

"Fly safe later, alright?" I reminded him and I mean this. Maybe the things that we've been experiencing for the past month changed our usual ways but that will never eradicate my love for him. I still care for him, I still love him, even though we've been just pretending to be on our usual selves for the past month.

He sighed, stretching his arm to reach out for me, giving me his tightest and warmest embrace. I smiled, burying my face on his chest as I hugged him back.

How is it possible to miss someone I just spend my days with?

"I'll miss you." He whispered, pressing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I already miss you." I whispered back, not sure if he heard it or not.

We hugged each other for another minute before finally breaking away.

"Bye." I waved at Ciel once more before finally turning my back at him and the moment when I'm no longer facing him, the sweetest smile that I tried to plaster involuntarily fell off.

It's been a month. Nika was still in coma, Ciel and Megi aren't still talking and I am still here, trying not to fall apart. I can't fall apart... I have to be intact, fixed, and strong. Marami akong pasyente, marami akong nasaktan... I don't have the audacity to act all bruised and hurt when I am the cause of the pain of all the people around me.

Ciel, however, despite the fact that he has all the rights to be hurt and bruised, he never showed it.

I'm not the only one who's pretending to be firm because we're both. I don't know if he notices that I notice but that's what we're both doing... Pretending that everything is going to be fine. Pretending that we're both strong.

I just hate it. I hate that he couldn't allow himself to be broken for the sake of me. I hate that he always puts me first instead of himself. I hate that I can't find anything to be a source of my disappointment to him. It is myself that I always end up being disappointed with.

Natigilan ako nang makasalubong ko si Megi nang makapasok na ako sa loob ng ospital. Our eyes met for about a second but she quickly looked away, avoiding my gaze, careful not to brush her shoulder on mine as she walked past through me.

I can still vividly remember our last conversation.

Bree was now peacefully sleeping on my lap. The side of her head was resting on the top of my chest while I was quietly caressing her hair, being careful with every inhale and exhale that I do to prevent from waking her up.