Finding Her Happiness

Chapter 10:

Colby Violet's P.O.V.

"I'll get ready right now!"

"Wait, wait. We aren't getting together until seven."

I turn to look at the clock and see that it's only four. I try not to pout, and Eli chuckles. He places a kiss on my forehead before tugging me out of my bedroom. With an arm thrown over my shoulder, he sits me down on the living room couch and grabs the tv remote.

"While you wait for dinner, why don't you watch a movie?"

"Where are you going?"

"I have to do some work, but I'll be right in the other room."

"Okay, I'll be fine here."

"Yes, you will. If you need anything though, yell for me, baby."

I nod in agreement before turning to the tv. Eli quietly exits the room as Cinderella plays on the tv, making Kristin and even Natalie join us. We watch in silence and aw as Cinderella's glass slipper comes off her foot. And for a second, I'm confused. If it was a perfect fit, how would it come off? That doesn't make any sense.

Anyway, instead of questioning the movie, I continue watching with no complaints. Bethanne calls the three of us for dinner, and I join Eli at the dinner table. His hand rests on my thigh, my whole body now shivering more because of his warmth than the cold. Eli sends me a wink before we both dig into our meals of delicious chicken pot pie.

"Thank you for cooking, Bethanne."

"No problem, sweety. I heard you are meeting Eli's friends. How are you feeling about that?"

I'm about to answer when Natalie bursts into the conversation.

"Who cares how she feels? All we ever do is talk about her. She's a fucking sixteen year old girl, and she shouldn't even be here. So, who cares how she feels about meeting other people? I'm pretty sure that they are all going to treat her the same way as Eli does. Like a little fucking baby. And you know what, that's what she is!"

Natalie pushes away from the table, knocking her chair onto the floor violently and storming away in a huff. Instead of feeling mad at the girl, I empathize with her. I understand how she's feeling. I'm a stranger who has come into her home, disrupted her routine and family life, and taken attention away from her. I've made myself at home in a stranger's home, and I can see why Natalie would be defensive towards that.

I know I have been fearful of stranger's, and that's why I get attached to them. Because I don't want them to hate me. I get mad at myself for that. Maybe she's not afraid, but she's mad that I have disrupted what she knows. But it's not like I can help it. I can't control who I get attached to, and how attached I get. I can't control the fact that I'm not getting the help I need in my own home.

And I don't mean to act like a baby. I don't want Eli to feel like he has to treat me like one. But what am I supposed to do? I can't just start living on my own and stop getting attached to people. DPD doesn't work that way. No illness or addiction does. You can try to stop it all at once, and sometimes it works, but I can't just stop having DPD. That's going to be with me for the rest of my life. I did not choose to have a mental disorder, and I didn't choose to have the life I do. And maybe Natalie feels like she doesn't have a choice either.