the daughter of severus snape

Chapter 26: Azkaban

I'm on my way there. The ministry is personally taking me there. My friends aren't very happy with me. Especially Draco. Even Calvin doesn't approve. He hasn't talked to me since. Neither has Dray. Daph has been trying to convince me out of it, but I didn't listen. I guess she isn't speaking to me either. Blaise yelled at me in front of the whole hall. He hasn't even given me a glance. Even Harry came over to talk me out of it. Percy too. I recall our interaction by the great hall. 

I was eating my dinner away from my friends that day. "Bella. Please tell me it's not true," Percy says. Harry's with him, also waiting for an answer. "It's true." Percy steps away for a second but comes back, "are you out of your mind?"

"Bella, he's right. You're not thinking clearly." 

"Actually, I'm thinking the clearest I've ever thought."

"I'm not going to let you. Neither are your friends or your father."

"I don't care." Dad and Uncle Remus walk towards us.

"Uncle Remus, tell them-"

"I'm sorry, Bella. But, it pains me to say this as much as you, I agree with your Dad."

"Then go away, please. Just leave me alone. You can't talk me out of this."

"Make us understand, Bella," Harry says. I start to get angry.

I say this next part loudly, "Because of this." I lift my sleeve down. Percy, Harry, and Uncle Remus look surprised. "Who gave you that?" Uncle Remus asks.

"Zane. Pansy's, well I don't know."

"All the more reason to not visit her."

"No, you don't understand. It's true, that's what I am."

"Bella, you aren't a murderer-" Harry starts.

"I am. I killed her Dad when I was escaping him," I say with tears in my eyes, "it's true. It reminds me every day. I am a murderer. But the other day, I felt like a hero. And I still feel like someday, I can get over that. She deserves a chance to feel that way too."

"You killed a kidnapper, a rapist," Percy reasons.

"Yeah, I know. But to her, I'm her Dad's murderer. She wanted to get even. I'm not excusing what she does, but if I don't even give her a chance, what am I? This word will be true. I'm trying to make up for what I did."

Dad scoffs. "You did nothing. If you did, you'd be in Azkaban with her."

"Maybe I should be there. He wouldn't have kidnapped me if I hadn't used the Cruciatus spell on her."

"Bella. I won't let you-" Uncle Remus starts.

"Look. I'd love for you guys to support me. But if you won't, it's okay. I've spent most my life alone. I can spend the next few days alone as well. You think I want to do this? I still wake up, thinking someone's watching me sometimes. You're forgetting I was the one who went through it and I'll have to live with it. All of you will probably move on and forget about it, but I won't. So forgive me, but your opinions are just opinions. I'm not changing my mind. I'm just visiting her." 

"Fine, be that way, but don't come crying when she hurts you again," Dad snarls.

"Don't worry about that. It'll be a huge one off of your shoulders, right?" Dad looks hurt, but he goes. "He didn't mean that," Uncle Remus says.

"He did."

I snap back to the present moment. It's happening. Cornelius Fudge is in front of me. "How are you doing?" He asks.

"As good as I can be, thank you." He annoys the hell out of me.

"I understand what we're asking of you is-"

"No, I understand. You want an empty cell for someone else to take up. I get it. I didn't do this for you, though. I did it for me. I needed this as well." He just nods. 

----

We're finally here. This place gives me the creeps. I start to have doubts, but I push them out. It's too late now. I've got to do this. I will never be afraid of Pansy Parkinson ever again after this. They direct me towards a room. Pansy Parkinson is waiting there. She sees me and looks nervous. She avoids eye contact. Before I go through the door, a guard grabs my shoulder, halting me. "Listen. I don't care what Fudge here thinks. If you feel uncomfortable for even one second, press this button. You're so brave for this. Remember that." I nod and go through that door. I sigh and sit across from her. She looks more tired now. And older. 

"Bella. You're so beautiful now."

"Thank you. I sure did grow a lot this summer." She sighs.

"I don't even know where to start. I'm sorry for trying to kill you, I guess?"

"I'm sorry for using the Cruciatus spell on you. I was a different person back then. You've gotta understand. Your father tortured me for months. He even raped me. I was panicking. I was. If I wasn't, he would be here right now." She nods.

"He was all I had growing up, you know? He was the greatest father ever. So when I heard what happened to you, I hated him. I hated him cause I wanted to continue thinking that he was a great man and a great father. I hated that look people gave me in the halls too. I started to tell myself that you were lying. I know you weren't. I even knew it back then, but I refused to accept it. I had somehow successfully lied to myself that you killed my Dad for no reason. I wanted revenge. I didn't want my father to be the man he was, that I was willing to kill an innocent girl whose life he ruined for it." We stay quiet for a few minutes.

"Your father was a terrible man. But, he was a great father. I still regret killing him," I whisper. 

"You do?"

"Zane. He wrote this on my arm," her eyes tear up, "and it's true. I know it is."

"It's not. I'm a murderer, not you. It was self defense."

"I know. But it was more that I could have stunned him instead. I wanted to kill you, too. I was going to kill you too, Pansy. I was. I was so sure. I started to say it in fact. Something stopped me. I stunned you instead. I should have stunned your father too." A tear escapes my eye. 

"I wish you did kill me, sometimes." I look at her, "I hate myself for what I did to you."

"I hate myself for what I did to you. I took away your father. I was ready to kill you too. I thank God every day I didn't kill you."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. It's not your fault. It was mine. It was my fathers. I don't blame you for wanting to kill me. And I wouldn't blame you for keeping me here. Maybe I deserve to rot here."

"You don't. If you do, then I do too. Pansy, I can't explain it. You're the only person on Earth who knows what I went through. In a weird way, we're connected. So, I forgive you. I want you to come back. I don't know if we can be friends, but we can try. You're not the first person who tried to kill me." She smiles.

"Thank you, Bella. I don't deserve this." And with that, I forgave Pansy Parkinson. My enemy. My worst nightmare. The person who tried to kill me befriended me.