PAUSE

Twenty.

February 14, 2020

After Trent decided to break the internet with his last post, when we returned to England, it was chaos.

It feels as if the paparazzi camped out at the airport waiting for our return because we weren't given a moment to breathe.

As we walk hand in hand through the crowd and constant flashes to our waiting car, I whisper to Trent, "Looks like I won't be getting on the internet for a few days."

All he can do is laugh and smile at the situation we've worked our way into.

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I'm back at Raheem's after my few days of ecstasy in Greece and I'm currently unpacking while chatting with Paige.

"So, how was it?" She inquires with excitement.

"Well, it was amazing to say the least," I smile to myself, "absolutely no responsibilities to anyone but each other. I finally got a chance to relax." I sigh in contentment.

"So was that your Valentine's Day trip then?" She asks.

"Yeah, he has a match tomorrow so we celebrated a little early," I blush as the words leave my mouth.

"I know that look, you two went at it the whole time, didn't you?" She wiggles her eyebrows.

"Of course!" I laugh while rolling my eyes.

Might as well be honest.

"Oh my days, you've finally admitted it," she squeals.

"Enjoy it now because I will deny it in front of Raz for the rest of my life."

"What happens when you get pregnant then, hmm?" She tilts her head, looking me in the eyes.

"Immaculate conception," I retort with a straight face before bursting into laughter with Paige.

Now that I'm back to the real world, I have more important things taking up space in my mind, like the lawsuit that's sucking the life out of me.

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March 4, 2020

Contrary to popular belief, this case hasn't killed me yet.

The last two weeks of February have been completely dedicated to keeping my head above water. I look like a zombie, but thankfully I'm hiding it well. I'm able to maintain a happy face in front of family, friends, and the public, but I die a little bit inside every time I have to face Travis and the Chief's lawyers several times a week.

The icing on the cake is the fact that I can't keep any food down. Like right now, Trent and I are hanging out with his teammates at Ox's house and I'm trying to figure out what I could eat that wouldn't make my stomach turn.

Trent puts his arm around my shoulders as we're sat on the couch with Virgil and his wife Rike, Joe and his wife Selena, and of course Perrie.

"So Syd," Virgil starts, bringing my attention back to the conversation, "Trent said your parents are coming in a few days, how is that going to go?" He gives a knowing look and slight laugh.

I giggle as I see Trent squirm at the idea of meeting my parents, "So I see he's been talking about it in practice."

"He won't shut up about it really," Ox raises his eyebrows and sighs, causing the whole group to laugh.

"Well considering I met his parents months ago, I think he owes me. If he can survive me, he can survive my parents," I smile at Trent, and his face relaxes.