PAUSE

Twenty-one.

The next thing I can remember is the beeping of a heart monitor, a sound that haunted me in my sleep for months the last time someone cut out the lights.

I'm finally able to lift my eyelids open and it feels like it takes all my strength. I'm greeted by yet another familiar scene: my parents are sprawled around a hospital room, but this time, Raheem and Paige replace my brother in this picture.

My entire body aches. I feel like I've been hit by a truck. I'm able to turn to the window to see it's nighttime.

How long was I out?

"Mommy?" I say with a hoarse voice but it's enough to get my mom's attention as she's sat right next to my bed.

She shoots up out of her seat and rushes to my side, "Baby," she squeezes my hand and the commotion wakes everyone else in the room.

They all get up from their spot and crowd around me.

"What happened?" I ask, scanning everyone's face seeing worry I've only ever seen once before.

"Syd..."Raheem starts, but he can't seem to get the words out.

"Sydney, look at me," my mom says, turning my face gently towards her. "The baby is gone."

That must've been the truck.

"How?" I ask, and surprisingly, I don't even cry.

Just then, a white coat walks in, "So, you're awake. Are you ready to take the news right now?"

"I think she may nee--" I cut my mother off.

"Yes, I'm ready," I say flatly, and my family turns to look at me in utter confusion.

"Okay then," he says awkwardly, "well, you fainted due to the amount of blood you lost from miscarrying sometime prior. You lost a massive amount of blood and we're thinking what triggered the miscarriage were your injuries from your previous hospitalization considering how extensive they were."

I'm still paying for what Travis has done to me. It must be what I deserve.

"Okay," I reply.

The doctor seems to be waiting for more, but when I don't give it, he continues, "So, I do caution that if you do plan on getting pregnant again in the future, please consult a doctor first. We almost lost you on the table so any pregnancy will be extremely high risk for you."

"Okay. When can I leave?"I ask, emotionless.

"Well, I want to keep you under observation for another twelve hours, other than that, I can release you with an in-home nurse."

"Okay, we can do that," Raheem says to the doctor.

"Perfect!" the doctor looks at me expectantly.

I don't have anything else to say and the doctor excuses himself, leaving me with my speechless family members.

"Are you okay sweetie?" My mom asks while looking on intently.

"I'm okay, just a little sore."

"But the baby Syd," Paige starts.

"Just don't tell Trent yet."

___________________________

It's the next afternoon and Raheem is helping me up the stairs to my room.

I can walk even though the stitches in my stomach burn with each step. The only thing keeping me going right now is knowing I've survived worse.

"There you go cuz," Raheem sets up the pillows for me so I'm comfortable in my spot on the bed. I think he's about to leave, but he walks to the other side of the bed and sits next to me.