Puppy Love and Sunflowers

Chapter 17: I-I can't

-Time Skip- This time we're going back in time during that day but we're moving to Ricky's POV at work.
Ashlyn: You are booked solid today. What time is Nini coming?
Ricky: I don't know, I'll ask her. *I text Nini* She said she can't come today.
Red: Is she busy?
Ricky: She said she feels sick. But she also said she can't go to the dog park tomorrow. She's never missed a dog park day.I mean she said she's going somewhere with Kourt but still
Ashlyn: Those are both very good reasons *laughs* Don't worry about anything
Ricky: I guess, but something weird happened last night
Red: What?
Ricky: She told me she liked me. Like, likes me like me
Ashlyn: You sound like a middle schooler *laughs*
Ricky: shut up *laughs* I'm serious though. I told her I wasn't ready for a relationship yet, but she kissed me anyway.
Red: And what did you tell her after that?
Ricky: that I didn't want anything between us to change. We always act flirty with each other, you guys know that
Ashlyn: Well, did your ever consider her feelings?
Ricky: Yes. She said she was fine with it. And she asked to be my unofficial girlfriend which I didn't really like, but I said yes so she wouldn't feel awkward
Ashlyn: This dumb bitch-
Ricky: What? why?
Ashlyn: She likes you Ricky! She only told you what she did so that you didn't have to feel bad for not reciprocating the same feelings. She may seem fine, but deep down this is probably crushing her. You should know that an unofficial no labels relationship, won't do either of you any good. You're either friends or lovers. Pick one
Ricky: friends. I don't know if I'm completely over Alice yet. It would be fair to her to start a relationship.
Ashlyn: Then you tell her that. Don't leave her overthinking and lost
Ricky: I did tell her that. I said I wanted nothing to change and we were just friends.
Ashlyn: Well you also accepted the unofficial boyfriend title, so don't think you're 100% in the clear
Ricky: so what exactly am I suppose to clear up
Ashlyn: That you want to keep things strictly platonic
Ricky: it already is
Ashlyn: Mkay. Just don't come to me when Nini is having the same breakdown you did last month *walks out of the shop*
Ricky: Ash- *turns to Red* look, I'm not exactly completely comfortable kissing her but it feels good and she seems to like it. I wish she didn't throw around any kind of boyfriend/ girlfriend title but, it is what it is
Red: You just aren't getting it *follows Ashlyn*
Ricky: *Getting what? I already told Nini I don't want a relationship. I kinda feel weird being affectionate knowing she likes me, but she's the one who likes me, so she must love it. I'm the one that should feel weird. Also, she didn't have to tell me her feelings for me. I guess I'll see her next week and figure this out*

-Time Skip- The weekend comes and Ricky goes to the dog park, alone, for the 1st time in awhile... well he was with Rocco of course. Each day that following week, he texted Nini to see when she'd come to the beach but she kept saying she still wasn't feeling well. Anyway, it's Friday morning now and Nini just woke up.
Nini: *I just can't do it today. I don think I can go in and fake a smile all day* *I text seb* Hey Sebby! I'm feeling a little under the weather today so I'm calling in I guess lol. I hope I can get better next week. Love you, mwah!
Seb: *texts* feel better! We all love you and will miss you!
Nini: *I eventually fall back asleep with tears in my eyes*
Ricky: *I wake up and text Nini* any better?
Nini: *texts* nope
Ricky: you're really starting to scare me sunflower. Should I be worried about you? Are you like, in the hospital?
Nini: I'm fine, it might just be allergies or something
Ricky: well, feel better.
Nini: thanks 😁
Ricky: *I'm actually starting to feel really bad. Plus, she's at work just suffering all day. Allergies suck. Maybe I'll stop by and just say hi or something. The day goes by. At around 3, I leave work to go to the studio. I walk in*
Ej: Umm hello?
Ricky: hello, I'm looking for Nini. She's the receptionist
Ej: And who are you exactly?
Ricky: oh, sorry. I'm Ricky Bowen
Ej: Ricky Bow- Oh surfer boy!
Ricky: *laughs* yeah, that's me. You just be.... Ej?
Ej: That's me *laughs*
Ricky: so where's Nini?
Ej: Oh, she called in sick today. She's been fine all week so I really don't know what kind of sickness she has
Ricky: she just got sick today?
Ej: Yep, she's been healthy all week
Ricky: that's not what she- never mind. um, did she say what she has?
Ej: Nope. Just said she was feeling under the weather. Did she not tell you?
Ricky: no... um, if you don't mind me asking, has she talked about me at all this week
Ej: Umm come to think of it, I don't think so. She's actually been quite quiet this week. Our swear jar is looking pretty empty *laughs*
Ricky: *laughs a little* oh my goodness it's the famous swear jar. Well, um, it was nice meeting you
Ej: You too Ricky
Ricky: bye now *I leave and get in my car. Maybe Ashlyn's right. Is it my fault she's so down lately. Am I causing her to miss work? I need to get to the bottom of this. I drive to Nini's then knock on the door*
Nini: *I'm sitting on the couch when I hear someone at the door. I get up and open it* Uh h-hi *I wipe the tears off my face*
Ricky: hey, um, I brought you these *I hand you a small Bouquet of sunflowers* I just wanted to check on you
Nini: Oh um thanks. You can go now if you'd like
Ricky: I feel like I haven't seen you in forever, is everything okay?
Nini: Yep, just been feeling a little sick the past few days
Ricky: um, speaking of which. I stopped by your work today cause that's kinda where I thought you were and Ej said you've been there all week completely... healthy
Nini: Umm I-
Ricky: you obviously don't have to tell me whatever's going on I just... did I do something?
Nini: No, you didn't. You're fine, I'm fine, everything is fine
Ricky: Sorry if I'm overstepping myself, but you don't look fine
Nini: Well I am
Ricky: oh okay, I guess I was wrong. Sorry I guess I'll just go-
Nini: I knew it *I start crying*
Ricky: oh my god, Nini, did I say something?
Nini: No, of course not. And yes, I'm fine. Everything is fine *I keep crying*
Ricky: *I hug you tight* please talk to me
Nini: I c-can't
Ricky: why can't you? *I'm still holding you*
Nini: I don't deserve you. I don't deserve anyone
Ricky: woah what's happening? Nini you need to talk to me. And you deserve everything... what are you talking about?
Nini: I'm a failure that doesn't deserve love. Everyone in my life leaves me at one point and U've already lost you too.
Ricky: what are you- you didn't loose me. I'm right here
Nini: I pushed you away because I'm not good enough for you. I just had to go and spill my guts to you, just for you to make fun of me and reject me
Ricky: *I pull away. Shit, Ashlyn and red were right. I can't loose her, but I can't be with her right now. Romantically I mean. I just wish- I don't know. I put my hands on your shoulders* I am so sorry if I came off that way. I didn't reject you, I'm just not ready for a relationship. I don't know though, I might like you. I mean you're so funny, absolutely gorgeous, and overall just an amazing person to be around. But- but it wouldn't be fair for us to try this for real if I'm still not 100% over Alice. Please don't leave me. I can't- you've been the best thing that's happened to me since she left. If it wasn't for you I'd- I don't know where I would be. And don't for a second think you don't deserve love, because you do. More than anyone.
Nini: *I start crying again* Do you know how unfair you're being?! Asking me to stay around you and continue to be your little flirtatious friend while you still fantasize about your ex? The whole time you were with Alice, I was nothing but nice until the bar. And then I left my house at practically midnight to come and hold you. Not because it was my way of trying to get closer to you, but because I cared, Ricky. And look at you! You're only thinking of yourself. You wanna just keep me hanging on, while I fucking suffer every night! Cry myself to sleep and fake a smile all day.
Ricky: I- I'm just not ready
Nini: Well there's a difference between not being ready, and being selfish
Ricky: I don't mean to be selfish-
Nini: What do you mean to be Ricky? Enlighten me
Ricky: I want to be your friend. Just a friend. At least for now
Nini: Well I just can't be that for you anymore
Ricky: what are you saying?
Nini: I can't be your friend right now, it hurts too much. I cant hold you while you cry about Alice, or watch you surf without getting butterflies in my stomach. I crossed a line and now I can't go back
Ricky: I didn't leave you, you left me *I start to walk out the door*
Nini: *I start laughing hysterically* Oh hooray! It was bound to happen. How many do we have left? 1, 2, 3.... 6 more and then I'm all alone again! *I start crying*
Ricky: *I look back at you a second then close the door and leave. As soon as I get in the car I completely break down. It's not my fault I'm not over Alice. I thought Nini and I were fine, just as friends. She says I'm being selfish but I'm only not wanting a relationship because it would be unfair to her. She says she can't be here for me anymore cause it hurts too much... fine. But not only did she loose me, I've lost her too. Am I stupid for not just falling into her arms proclaiming she's the world to me and I love her?, maybe. I'm just not in the right position to be with her, why is that so hard to understand. I finally pull out of the driveway and go back to the beach.*

Nini: *I sit back on the couch and eventually cry myself to sleep*

Ricky: *I get to the beach and sit on the shore and let the waves keep rushing beneath me. It's so beautiful out. The sky is blue with purple-pink clouds, but as you look toward the horizon, the more red and orange the sky becomes, and the water is a perfect mix of blue and green. How is it all these colors make up the entire sky and yet it all fits and still manages to look perfect and so intentional? I wish Nini were here with me. She'd probably make fun of me for admiring the sky and say something ending with "surfer boy." Is she ever going to want to talk to me again? Is she going to move on and pretend I never existed? Or is this her breaking point and I've ruined her for the rest of her life, for reasons I still don't understand. I just wish she could understand why I can't be with her now. Why I want to be with her, but why I can't.*