Lemon's point of view
Jax's statement made my heart swell but freeze all in once I don't even know how to tell my story and what's even more frighting is I've never had someone ask myself my side of my story, why I am the way I am.
Everyone who has or been in my life has never asked me if I'm truly okay or why I'm fucking married men, they either just wrote me off, didn't care or would blame my daddy issues and mommy issues.
If i'm going to be honest with myself the only person who truly knows my deepest secrets is me.
I'm not one to open up or talk about my shitty feelings, I just keep everything in till I crack and before I crack I either drink, do drugs or fuck all these married men and I wouldn't care about the consequences in that moment that's what helping me cope with my shitty life.
Derek has no idea what I've gone through to be the person I am today and what disappoints me is the fact he's never asked me my story, I'm the one who told him about my Antonio, Ash and Lovella but that doesn't even hit the ice burg.
I've done and been through things I wouldn't even wish on the people who's done me wrong.
Jax's and these other people my father hired may have a file about where I was born, my age, who I fucked or what school I went too but the one thing that fucking file doesn't have is all the hurt and trauma I've been through and still going through.
"Why should I even tell you huh? What do you get out of knowing me, my story?."
Jax's looks me in the eyes and before I could even react to what he's doing he grabs my hand and starts to rub his thumb in a circular motion almost has if he's comforting me.
"Because your eyes are begging for someone to listen, for someone to love you and for someone to help you breath and find the light at the end of the tunnel."
For once in my life I met someone who see's through me.
Who see's the fake happiness I present with myself.
I couldn't even respond to him instead I tighten my hold in his hand as if I'm telling him thank you while I was doing that Jax's other hand comes in contact with my cheek and starts to wipe a few tears away before they could fall on my chest.
I didn't care if I was tearing up in front of him, the man who's trying to turn my world upside down.
In that moment in his eyes I saw someone who was an actual person with a heart willing to hear me out.
I pulled away from Jax's and his facial expression changes almost instantly to confusion to hurt but he quickly regains control going back to his cocky expression.
I don't take his expressions to heart because I know he thinks I'm going to make a sassy remark or turn down the concern he has for me.
"Jax's don't give me that cocky look okay? I.. huh I'm not comfortable talking with all these ears here Jax, I don't need someone to turn around and judge me."
Jax's cocky smirk was replaced with understanding he didn't tell me anything instead he got up squeezed my shoulder and walked over to pay for the drinks in front of us.
