BEING YOURS

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Coffee, coffee, coffee. Shower, shower, shower. Workout, workout, workout. Damn!!! Nothing's been working! What more...

He peered at his phone on the bed, then the door, back at the phone, then the door again. His mind kept whispering it, incessantly,

Pills, pills, pills.

The urge was surging and he snapped his eyes shut, ran his fingers through his scalp rapidly back and forth.

No! Not that!

But nothing's working! Nothing at all!

He needs to get his mind off things first. But every remedy seems futile.

Suicide, drugs, Amira.

Those were the three things he's battling to overcome.

Suicide will make him forget the other two but that's only if he dies. Amira's right, he'll surely be brought back to life. It's happened countless times before. How they do it remains unknown to him. But no matter where he goes to, what he does, stab himself, hang himself, overdose, intentional accident, drowning, and all the other one's he's never let to carry on, somehow, he's still brought back to life.

So that's a blank point.

And drugs, it'll also make him forget the other two, not entirely though, using it has a high possibility of ending up with an overdose, which is risking another stay in that stinking hospital with white walls and Amira's too persistent not even the drugs ward her off.

God! What have I gotten myself into?!

Amira? Amira'll make him forget everything he's sure. She'll make him at ease and free but that's the problem.

She being the solution is actually the problem because the solution is a problem in its own.

The solution's problem is that though the solution is genuine and accurate, having it isn't guaranteed forever.

That girl's the same one he abused and insulted, the same one he'd mistreated and misunderstood. All she wanted was a husband in him and all he saw was an Asiyah in her. He'd caused her so much pain and sorrow and she not doing the same to him was killing him.

She's being too good for a man like him and the guilt of what he'd done to her is swallowing him whole.

He didn't feel this way with Asiyah. Maybe because she's not a saint in herself and she had what she wanted from him, he gave her the option of alimony which she happily demanded for money. Perhaps paying that whooping sum to her made him feel a whole lot less indebted towards her.

But Amira doesn't want any of that. Not a single penny he owns attracts her. She came back for his welfare and is still here for that. After every atrocity he's carried on on her, to make her hate him, to make her leave, she's still there not to destroy but to help him.

Now that guilt is torturing. It's the same he felt when Mustafa died, no, maybe less, but it's overwhelming. The worse thing is he's getting attached to her. He's getting used to her being around. He's getting attracted to her.

Now how shameless is that?

After telling it to her face that nothing will ever happen between them. That he'll forever hate her. That she's nothing to him. How can he possibly man up and have her for himself? How can he keep her in his life? Forever? Will he even be man enough to look her in the eye?

Everyone he'd ever wronged goes away, either by dying or just going away but Amira's still here, reminding him of his ill-doings to her, constantly.

Has she forgiven him? Will she ever forgive him? Can they ever possibly work? Do they have a chance in each other's forever after?