37. Someday You Will Ache Like I Ache

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This chapter was written with a lot of respect for Kurt and Kurt's family including Courtney Love (whom I love) and Frances, as well as all the people who were actually involved in his life and all his fanbase that still love this genius and his music until this day. 


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"I thought you wouldn't come"

"I wouldn't miss this for anything in the world" Eddie said smiling, but I could see the anxiety and the excitement in his eyes.

"Ready?"

"Yeah"

"Let's go then" I said, taking his hand and leaving the house off to the doctor.

It was March 30th and Pearl Jam had been touring, the previous day they performed in St. Petersburg, Florida, and as soon as the show ended, Eddie flew back to Seattle, since I had an appointment with my gynecologist and we would finally find out the baby's gender.

The way to the hospital was very quiet, I could tell he was extremely nervous, but also happy and anxious... I was feeling all this too, but more intensely, and also had some issues regarding my aspect, since my body was changing quickly and I was feeling weird; I've always been flat chested, with not too many curves, more like a square  shape... and suddenly my breasts were big, I had hips, and though my face didn't change that much, it was definitely different. It didn't bother me that much... but it was just... odd.

We arrived to the hospital faster than we thought, and after checking my name and appointment with the receptionist, Eddie and I just waited like 5 minutes until the doctor called us. She greeted us politely and sweetly as always, asked us the usual questions (for routine) and after talking a little about the pregnancy in general, I got ready for the sonogram.

Eddie held my hand the whole time, and I witnessed his thrilled and fear; I tried to keep it cool, as Anne, the gynecologist, explained to us that the baby was fine and everything was normal, but then she turned to us with a wide smile, and I knew what was coming next.

"So... Do you wanna know the gender?" She asked us.

I looked at Eddie, who looked at me with that crazy gaze and smile that he sometimes had, and just nodded in silence.

"Yeah, we're ready" I told her and she smiled again.

"Well... congratulations guys, you're having a girl"

"WE'RE HAVING A GIRL, LOVE!!! FUCK YEAH!" Eddie shouted and kissed me. "I- I mean, I'm really sorry" He told Anne too excited, and then he became quiet.

Meanwhile, in the middle of all this sugar rush, I remained in silence, thinking carefully about the news; it was excellent, Eddie showed his preference for a girl since the beginning of the pregnancy, and I was happy, but also worried. I had an extra responsibility with this girl, I had to prepare her for the cruelty and misogyny of this world, I had to teach her how to defend herself, make her know how much she worth it just like anybody else, making her aware of the good and bad things in life, though some things she'll learn it throughout time... I had to educate a strong, intelligent, loving, independent, empathic girl, so she could become a great woman someday.

"I'm sorry..." Eddie's sobbing took me out of my thoughts.

"Heeey... babe what is it?" I asked worried, as he was crying.

"It's just... fuck, you know I'm very emotional... and... we're having a girl Lily! A GIRL! And she's fine! I... I can't wait to hold her in my arms... to take her out on Halloween or to the beach and teach her to surf" He said, while crying.

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