I Will Be There Once More (Eddie Vedder fanfiction)

38. Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness

"There were only three women in Kurt's life: Frances Bean, me and Lily Vedder"

Courtney Love, NME Magazine, 1995.

"I just remember Lily flying over the room and going for Courtney. The worst thing was that nobody moved, not even Eric or me, because... we all knew she kind of deserved it"

Melissa Auf der Maur on the Lollapalooza incident, 1995.

After Kurt's memorial, I spent the rest of the pregnancy in California, where Aurora Christine Vedder was born on July 20th of that same year; we named her Aurora because that was one of the names Kurt suggested me the last time we saw each other, and also Christine because she was born on the same day that her uncle Chris.

Speaking of Chris, he was more than thrilled to share his birthday with our babygirl, and he was very touched by the gesture of naming her after him. However, things with me were a little bit more complicated, motherhood was a tough task, and I knew it since the beginning, but nobody told me how hard it was. Thankfully I had Eddie with me, who was the greatest and helped me a lot, something that made me realize he was actually husband/dad material.

Towards the end of the year, Pearl Jam released a new album called Vitalogy, which in my opinion was amazing, and Eddie was going away again on February next year. The tour was something that worried him a lot, since he was feeling pressure because he wanted to be a good father and avoid mistakes like his own father in the past.

After Aurora's birth, the rest of 1994 I remained hided from the public eye, since Spencer decided to take a small break from the music scene; nevertheless, I continued working as a producer, and as odd as it sounded, I was one of the producers of rapper 2pac's album Me Against The World  which saw the world on March 1995. Luckily the album was praised, as well as my work as a producer in a rap album, a genre that nobody knew I was into.

Eddie went on tour at the beginning of the year with Pearl Jam, and Spencer won Album of the year (for the Unplugged album) and Song of the year (Tomorrow Never Came) in the Grammy Awards of that year; I didn't attend, but Zack, Adrien and Tom attended and received the awards.

Also, Spencer was billed for Lollapalooza for the summer of that same year; a lot of things happened from 1994 to 1995, and one of them included Courtney talking shit about me early 95'. I didn't know what happened, since I remembered we were in good terms, but I didn't answer her either because she bullied me before, and this wasn't something new... and honestly, I was a busy mom to care of her nonsense.

When the summer arrived, Aurora remained in Seattle with Karen, and we started the Lollapalooza tour with amazing bands and singers, but the displeased about me from Courtney was evident since day 1; Spencer did a great click with all of the people involved except for the blonde widow, something that made me feel confused, but I didn't give a fuck at the moment.

AOL decided to launch a series of diaries for the bands and singers, in which we would write some journal entries, including our day-to-day or at least the highlights of the day. That's how I discovered Courtney had a big issue with me, as she would complain about how Spencer was the headline  while the rest were our backup dancers in the event, among other things regarding only me; seemed like this was supported low key by Sonic Youth, who were actually in this stupid battle with Hole and Spencer for the supremacy of Lollapalooza, but different from them, neither the guys or me cared about it, and we actually thought it was very stupid.

I used to write about the great public that we had almost on every date, and also the after parties with the rest of the bands and singers as well as random facts or funny anecdotes; because honestly, all of us were in a good mood, even the rest of Hole's members would party with me (especially Melissa, who was amazing... a fact that later I found out pissed Courtney off), though, there were some people that didn't like Courtney and started to write mean things about her, like Thurston Moore or Lee Ranaldo, but at that point, I just didn't care about anything.