Something In There (FAÇADES)

4•|INTO HIS WORLD|

|CHAPTER FOUR|

~anger is one word away from Danger...................................
ANGER- DANGER~

(Song: listen to what's Poppin by jack Harlow)

~CHASE~

Blood...

Blood... Blood... Her...

Guilt... Guilt...

The sound of the rolling fan, accompanied with the ticking of the clock were the only sounds that I could here as I was yet to reply Miss Claire's question.

I sighed heavily.

"I still have the nightmares, but it isn't as constant as it used to be before." I replied Miss Claire, my therapist of about three years now, as I laid myself on the Ankara material three sitter sofa placed opposite her desk. "I still feel guilty."

"Guilt.... kills slowly Chase, it eats away ones soul and derives one from pleasures and good things. Guilt is cancer. Guilt will confine you, torture you, and destroy you as a person, it is a black wall. It is a thief. Those are the words, I've been trying to put into your head now for the past three years." Miss Claire said with her eyes fixed on me as she used her hand to push some strands of the Bob Marley to the back of her ear which made me notice the perspiration on her forehead, and her tired baggy eyes.

She looked exhausted.

She continued."So the faster that you can stop wallowing in guilt, blame or resentment, the faster you can put it behind you..."

"And what if I can't stop wallowing in my guilt? and what if I can't stop blaming myself? and what if I can't stop resenting myself?" I cut into her statement, as I sat uprightly on the sofa. "Just what if I can never put it behind me?"

Miss Claire kept looking at me from across the table without saying anything, then she took her glass case, and removed her glasses from it and wore it. Everywhere was still for sometime time until she spoke.

"Chase, I've always and will always tell you that you need to socialize, you need to be around people. Your guilt..." She said pointing to me.

"Your guilt, is really eating you up, it is devouring you, and making you lose control of yourself and your anger issues might persist." She sighed as she landed, but I didn't say anything.

"Do you still smoke?" She asked.

"I'm trying not to." I responded, but she raised her brows at me, not satisfied about my response. "Okay after, the last session I had with you, I've been working on it, believe me, I'm really trying not to, so... maybe I take two sticks per day."

She sighed once again. "So how's school treating you?"

She asked, shocking me at her sudden question because normally anytime, I told her that I still smoked, she would prepare an extra hour of counselling for me, on the dangers, and repercussions of smoking.

"Fine." I answered.

"What about your insomnia?" She asked.

"Well sleep isn't normal for me, so please let's skip that part."

She breathed in heavily. "Weirdly, you don't have any eye bag, and your eyes isn't red."

"Yeah, that's just my nature I guess."

"It been a week since you resumed right?" She asked.

I nodded. "So do you have friends now? Do you try to socialize like I told you to?" She asked.