Rhythm to My Chaos

Chapter 3

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Chapter 3
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The heavy weight of my eyelids were forcing me to close my eyes, even when I just woke up. I had a trouble sleeping. I couldn't sleep because of thoughts clouding my mind along with anger and frustration. It couldn't be silenced down. Even if those worries were already with me during the day, I felt like it all got worse at night.

The image of the man kept appearing inside my head, every time I tried to close my eyes. I remembered the way his eyes gleamed with sincerity as he looked straight at me. I had a feeling that he's not the type of person who would lie. His eyes told me that he's a genuine person.

However, I have trust issues. The fear of getting fooled again made me shut the door. I didn't want to let him in for he could just steal what's left in me. If that happened, then I'd be left with nothing but piled up pain, anger, and regret.

I didn't want to be the kind of person living while harbouring those negative feelings. It's no different from being dead so I had to take preventive measures to save myself.

I started my day with a deep exhale to let out the pent up feelings I felt before falling asleep. Since I was a morning person, even though I slept late, my body was already set to wake up at half past six in the morning. Wala pang apat na oras ang aking tulog. Alam ko ring kahit pilitin ko ay hindi na ako makakatulog pang ulit kaya bumangon na ako.

Nang makalabas ako ng kuwarto ay agad bumungad sa akin si Auntie Divina na nagluluto pa ng aming umagahan. Nilingon niya ako kaagad.

"Dumaan si Gian dito kanina," sabi niya sa akin nang makalapit ako. "Dinala niya iyong case ng gitara mo. Inaya kong kumain pero may meeting daw siya sa may bayan kaya idinaan lang at hindi na nagtagal."

Tumango na lang ako at saka nagsimula nang ihanda ang mga plato at kubyertos sa lamesa. We ate our breakfast in peace after she was done cooking our breakfast. Dama ko ang kanyang titig sa akin na para bang may gustong itanong o sabihin, ngunit hindi niya maituloy-tuloy. In the end, she just left for work after eating and I was left alone once again.

I spent my time sweeping the floor and our front yard. Madaming nagkalat na tuyong dahon na nahulog mula sa mga puno na nakapalibot sa aming bahay.

The intense heat of the summer caused some of the leaves to turn dry, die, and fall on the ground. It's a pity that the leaves could never come back to life again. That's how life goes for them. But I also know that its existence brings beauty to the dry or fall season. Even when its existence has already ended, it still has its significance.

Pagkatapos magwalis ay saka ako nagdilig ng mga halaman. Madalas ay si Auntie Divina ang nagdidilig tuwing umaga ngunit kapag wala siya masyadong oras ay pinapaubaya niya na sa akin ang pagdidilig.

A smile unconsciously touched my lips while I was watering the beautiful blooms. Ang mga nakatanim na bulaklak ay iba-iba pa ang kulay. Just by looking at the flowers thriving was like a healing therapy to me.

Kaya nga lang, ang aking sinusulit na kapayapaan ay nagambala nang mapansin kong may taong paparating sa aming bahay. Once I looked up to see who came, my blood boiled faster.

Our eyes met and I quickly checked him out. There was a drop of sweat running down on his temple. His chest was going up and down fast as he was trying to catch up with his breath. He was wearing a white tank top and black shorts with a towel hanging on his neck. His biceps seemed like it was calling for attention.

Mabilis kong pinasadahan ng tingin ang kanyang mga braso. Kita kong mayroong strap doon kung saan nakalagay ang kanyang cellphone. Agad ko ring ibinalik ang tingin sa kanyang mukha.