When We Were Young

A Light

The window in the spare room barely let in any sunlight in the morning. So when a blaring light woke me, I was confused and forgot for a moment that I wasn't in my bed. Then a shadow stepped in front of the light that I realized was coming from the hallway.

"What time is it?" I sat up and felt how cold the room really was and shivered back under the warm cocoon I had created for myself.

Skylar stepped inside and shut the door, plunging us back into darkness. She made her way to the bed and tugged at the blanket. I smelled mint as she redistributed the blankets. I was struggling the stay awake, even though the blast of cold had woken me for a brief moment.

"It's after three. I woke up and you weren't next to me," she said matter-of-factly.

"You locked the door," I mumbled, my head buried against the pillow. She was staring at me; I could feel it. I opened my eyes and after they adjusted, Skylar was laying next to me, her eyes bright and watching me.

"We've never gone to bed angry. Or been in separate beds since you moved in."

I repeated, to make a point, "You locked the door."

She sighed and reached for my hand; I let her take it. I wanted to go back to sleep but saying that would spark another fight and I couldn't handle it at that moment.

"I know," Sky whispered. She squeezed my hand and nestled up closer to me, her cold hand resting on my bare stomach. I shivered reflexively and she chuckled softly. "I love you," she said.

I kissed the top of her head, tightening my hold on her and said, "I know, baby." 

I woke before the alarm on my phone went off, but Skylar still slept. Her hair covered most of her face and I pushed some of it away. She looked peaceful, unaffected. I slid my hand down her arm, barely touching her skin and she stirred, letting out a deep sigh. She was wearing one of my t-shirts, I noticed now, and it was pulled up gently to reveal her hips and thighs.

My hand slid down her leg, pressing harder as I neared her knee, causing her eyes to flutter. I grew harder, watching her wake up slowly. I hiked up her leg to my hip slipping my hand between her thighs. She whimpered and reached out to me reflexively, twisting her fingers in my hair. I massaged her soft bud, and then leaned down to kiss her, sliding my tongue against her while my fingers moved gently in and out of her. 

"I want you" she murmured. 

"Not yet, baby. I want to watch you," I sighed. She arched her back and I knew she was going to come and I couldn't hold back any more. She fumbled to pull down my boxers, her eyes still closed but breathing heavier. She squeaked in pleasure, and I grinned.

I took my free hand and slid off my boxers. Rolling onto my back, I grabbed her hips and pulled her on top of me. She slid forward and I entered her, gasping at how wet she had become. She arched her back, grabbing one of my hands to cover her breasts while the other rested on her hip. I expected her eyes to be closed, but when she moved forward, her eyes were wide open and staring at me with such intensity I felt a gravitational pull to her, and I couldn't look away.

We moved slowly at first, enjoying the touch of our skin, the sensation of the slickness, the trembling of our muscles. She was breathing heavier and a smile tickled her wet lips. Sky pressed her hands to my chest, and I pulled her hips faster and faster against me until she gasped and collapsed against me with one more push. I shuddered, pulling her down onto me. Our skin was damp with sweat, and strands of her hair matted against her forehead.

It was a long time before we spoke. I'm not sure if we both fell back asleep or if we just were so relaxed that it felt that way. She moved and I opened my eyes, feeling more rested in those moments than the night before.

"I'm...sorry about last night."

"Me, too," I said, my voice still full of sleep. "I said things I shouldn't have said."

She pushed herself up and pushed her hair out of her face. "You should know about Craig."

I tensed. "I don't..." I didn't know if I wanted to know. "Did..." I swallowed hard.

She shook her head, her eyes watering. "I would never," she said, her voice cracking slightly. "He called me to tell me he was moving. He wanted to see me before he left. Going to Chicago for a job...and his girlfriend."

I just stared at her.

"I should have told you, but with all that has been going on, I didn't think it was...I didn't think it mattered. He asked if I was seeing anyone and I told him yes, more than seeing someone."

My lips twitched.

"Did he, uh, apologize for being a dick to you?"

She chuckled, her body shaking slightly. "No. Craig is too arrogant and self-obsessed, regardless if he knew he was wrong. Saying goodbye was his way of apologizing." She rolled her eyes. "But the point is, I should have told you and I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"Well, I hope not. Now that he lives in Chicago," I teased. She smiled and looked down.

"And..." she sighed, resting her chin against my shoulder. "I know you're hurting. You're just handling it better than I am."

"I don't know about that, Sky," I replied. Her eyebrows pulled together in question. "I'm keeping busy so I don't deal with it," I admitted. "Trying not to think about it. Trying not to think that we could have been... I didn't know I wanted to be a father."

Skylar tightened her grip on my hand that I hadn't realized she was holding. "And do you?"

"With you, yes. We will somehow. Adopt or something, I don't know," I said, searching for words that made sense. "But if we don't, if we never do, Skylar, that's ok. Because I don't want to lose you. If you gave me a choice, Skylar, I would choose you."

She was biting her lower lip, trying to prevent it from trembling. Skylar nodded with haste and I reciprocated. She sighed and rested her head against my chest. I held her tight, burying my lips into her hair while rubbing her shoulder.

"Can I ask you something?" She said.

"'Course."

"Did you...think about what we would have named her?"

I crookedly smiled because I had thought of names. "Yes," I answered quietly. It seemed almost superstitious to do so, though, or in bad form somehow.

"Me, too." Skylar sat up and crossed her legs. Her fingers toyed with the hem of my shirt. "What'd you come up with?"

Her lips pursed and she half-closed her eyes in thought. "Well, I thought of naming her after my mom."

"Ava. It's a beautiful name."

"What about you?"

I shifted in the bed. The room was warmer now and the sheets were clinging to my legs. "I always loved the named Caitriona. Call her Cait."

"I like that, a lot," she mused with a daydream smile. "Ava Caitriona. What about boys?"

I shrugged because I hadn't really thought of it. "I did," she said. "Albert Harold Young."

My mouth fell open and I couldn't hide my surprise.

"We could call him Harry, like your dad, if you don't want to call him Albert."

My arms tightened around her waist, and pulled her back toward me. She seemed so far away "Yeah, Harry. I love it."