When We Were Young

To Love and To Be Loved

"I opened it."

I looked up, surprised to see Skylar home. I had been at the museum all morning but I had the afternoon off. I had some last minute studying, then next week I would be done. Graduation was next week.

"Opened what?" She was sitting at the counter when I walked in and had an envelope in her hand. I couldn't see what it was. I leaned over to kiss her and she pulled away. "What is it?"

Her face said it all and then she held up the envelope. Cambridge. 'Important Admission Information' stamped across the fold, and my name and address handwritten.

"What does it say?" I said, sliding onto the stool next to her. I didn't know what else to say.

"That you should plan to arrive no later than August 14, so you can attend orientation on the 15th. The schedule is enclosed and they are looking forward to having you next fall."

"This isn't what you think," I started but she exploded, jumped from the stool and tossed the papers at me.

"Were you going to tell me you were leaving me or were you going to just disappear in the middle of the night? How long have you known you're going?"

I rested my head on the counter.

"I don't know if I'm going. I got accepted right before everything with your father. I just didn't know how to tell you." Glancing up, she stared at me in disbelief. Her hands were in fists at her side and she wore a look of disgust.

"Tell me? How about, 'I applied to Cambridge.' It's pretty simple," she yelled. I stood and tried to grab her but she squirmed away. Realization washed over her face. "Jesus fucking Christ, when did you apply?"

I closed my eyes. This was not how I thought this would unfold. I thought she'd be happy. "In the fall. Robert introduced me to someone at his wedding..."

"You've known since last summer?" Skylar was outraged. Her face grew red and her jaw tightened. "So you knew the whole time...in the fall?"

I nodded. I knew she meant when she had the miscarriage. I had known. I sat staring at the computer as I filled out the application. It took me weeks to fill it out because frankly, I didn't know if I should. "How could I tell you? It wasn't the right time. It never was. We weren't doing well. I didn't even know if we were going to make it, as much as I loved you. You were pushing me away..."

"So this is my fault?" She gasped and turned away.

"I didn't say that. I'm just saying that if I would have brought it up, I know exactly what you would have done. Exactly this!" Now I was getting angry. "You'd say I was running away from you and leaving you."

"Unbelievable. You lie and just keep this is a secret from me."

She wasn't listening to me. "What are you talking about? It wasn't a secret, and I wasn't lying. I just applied. I got in. I didn't say I had to go. I want you to go with me. I can't do this without you. I won't do this without you."

"You're kidding?" She just stared at me incredulously. "So you apply last summer, don't tell me, get in and accept, don't tell me, then I find a few months before you're supposed to leave me, you tell me you want me to come with you? You expect me to believe that?"

"Leave you? I'm not leaving you. And I wanted to tell you, I swear. I was going to ask you after I graduated. And I didn't accept yet!"

Skylar scoffed and walked away, shaking her head. I grabbed her arm.

"I'm serious. This is about us, not just me. I want you with me. I won't do this without you."

Tears splattered her cheeks. She looked heartbroken. How could she think I would just leave her?