how I met my soul mate

Who the hell are you and where am I?

I woke up with the biggest headache I've ever had.  I could swear I was still seeing stars.  But when I got a good look around I could only wish that was true.  I was in a fucking cage, the only thing running through my head was "this is not fucking happening!"
Who did I piss off to have this happen? I know I'm not a saint but I'm not mean to anyone infact I've had people tell me I'm too nice.  Sure I can be a smartass but this is too much!
All of a sudden there is a loud crash outside the room, I jumped so high I wapped my head like I really need anymore head trauma.  A minute later this lady who literally looks timeless walks in.  I seriously can't tell how old she is and I'm usually not that bad at guessing people's ages.  She has light colored skin, ash blonde hair, and dark eyes.  For some reason when she finally looks at me it gives me the heebie geebies.  At first I couldn't figure out why then I really looked in her eyes, you know that part in Halloween where doctor Lumis describes Michael Myers eyes?  Well let's just say I Totally get it!
I would like to tell you that this was all a nightmare and I woke up thinking what kind of dream was that but that didn't happen.
"Who the hell are you and where am I?" I asked.
She didn't answer, she just went to some kind of worktable on the far wall so I tried again.
"Look lady I don't know who you are and I really don't care but if you don't get me out of here, I'm going to find a way out and then I'm gonna kick your ass!" I threatened her.  Ok in hindsight that really didn't help me much but I couldn't help it some creepy lady with psycho eyes had me locked in a cage.
So when she turned and shot me with a dart, "really I'm not an animal you witch," I had no idea how right my words were.  The last thing I saw before I passed out for the second time was the creepiest smile on her face and it will probably give me nightmares for years to come.