Daddy - An SVU fic

21.Us

***chapter contains rape***

.

"How far along?" Fin asked. Her sobs had finally quieted and the two of them now sat face to face on the small bed, him trying desperately to wrap his head around all that had been revealed.

"The doctor says twelve weeks..."

"You give any thought about what you wanna do?" he spoke softly, calmly in spite of the turmoil that was mangling him inside.

"Mission accomplished!" She could still hear Harlan's voice in her head.

"From the moment he made me take that test... I can't..." She stopped for a moment when her tears threatened to overtake her "I can't have this baby. I can't have a constant reminder..."

"Whatever you feel you need to do... I'll support you a hundred percent."

"I heard its heartbeat... I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I didn't say no but it has a heartbeat and it makes going through with what I have to do even more difficult"

"You think about other options?"

"My only other option would be to carry it to term and give it up - I can't keep it. But going through six more months of feeling it grow and then hearing it cry... God, I don't know how my mother was able to do it" she wept "I don't... She was so much stronger than I gave her credit for. All my life I judged her because of how she chose to fight her demons and now here I am... I've come to understand her demons more than I ever thought possible because they're my demons now too, and I don't know how I'm supposed to live with them"

"It's not gonna be easy, regardless of what you decide" he spoke softly as he handed her more tissues. She thanked him and wiped her runny nose before swatting away her tears with the back of her hand.

"There were days... Days upon days where I begged god to let me miscarry. I prayed that Harlan would hit me hard enough, or kick me hard enough... or that I'd fall hard enough after he'd knock me down"

Fin stood up and slowly walked across the room to the window. He exhaled a deep silent breath as he looked up at the late afternoon sun, his hands angrily curling into fists, and again, he couldn't stop the tears that fell from his eyes as rage shook him from the inside.

"Fin, I'm sorry" he heard Olivia apologize in a small voice from her bed. It hurt her to see that Fin was hurting.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, quickly wiping his tears as he turned to face her.

"For that... I've unloaded so much on you and I..." in a second he was beside her again

"No! You don't even let yourself think that way, you hear me? I don't want you to shut down and shut everybody out. I don't want you to struggle with this on your own because of pride, or guilt, or shame- whatever the hell it is that makes you bottle things up... this is too much for you to carry on your own and I'm not gonna let you. Hell, I'm already in this deep, might as well stay" he half-joked with a smile and surprisingly got one - albeit small, in return.

"Baby girl, I'm here. I know I fucked up and I let you handle too much of that shit with Junior on your own but I will not let that happen this time around. You and me, we been a constant for each other through a whole lot of shit... you don't worry about me, you give me as much as you feel you need to, I'll carry it, you have to let me be here for you. I love you; we all love you" he said as he pulled her into his arms and she threw hers around him, too overcome with emotion to even speak so she just cried for a moment before pulling away.

"I don't... I don't think I'm ready for everyone to know... I don't think I ever will be. I just, I feel so overwhelmed; El is here, wanting to fix things... Brian is doing the same"