The Marauders Era

Abandonment

"You're what?" Remus asked, his jaw dropping. "I'm pregnant Remus." Tonks replied happily. Remus ran his fingers through his hair. "No, no, what the hell have I done? I've got to go." Remus muttered to himself. He walked around the room aimlessly, agitated and scared. "What's wrong?" Tonks asked softly. 'Don't you see what I've done? I screwed up. Big time." Remus said, walking to the door of their bedroom. "Wait Re. Remus!" Tonks called, fighting back tears as she followed Remus downstairs.

"I'm sorry. I love you." Remus said, reaching the front door of Tonks' parents house. "Remus is it about the werewolf thing again? I love you. Wait!" she called as Remus flung on his patched travelling cloak and pulled open the door. She sprinted after him as he hurried away from the house. Just before he reached the gate Tonks grabbed the sleeve of his cloak. "Please." she said, her eyes full of tears. "I can't do you any more harm to you Dora, or my child." Remus replied, tears in his own eyes. He kissed her and hurried through the gate, then Disapperated before Tonks could follow him.

Remus arrived with a crack in Hogsmeade. He knew his safety wasn't very strong out here in the evening but he was filled with too much adrenaline to care. He half walked, half ran up the hill towards the Shrieking Shack. He kicked the fence and sunk onto the floor, shaking with sobs. Remus sat there for an hour, his face in his hands, thinking about how much harm he had caused his wife and his unborn child. 

Remus pulled himself together and got up. He turned his collar up against the wind and walked back down into the main village. A memory flashed in his brain of four teenagers carving their trademark saying into a wooden bench outside Honeydukes. He hurried over to it and saw the magically carved words in the wood: I solemnly swear I'm up to no good. 

Remus pulled out his wand and scribbled underneath the line that James Potter had first put there. After a few minutes he tucked his wand away, stood up and went into the Three Broomsticks, leaving a second carving on the little wooden bench: Mischief Managed (with love - Remus.) 

Remus sat in the pub for a bit longer, drinking a bottle of butterbeer and a few shots of Firewhisky. The latest copy of the Daily Prophet lay on the bar next to him. Remus unfolded it and with another shot he started reading. Furiously, he tucked the newspaper into his pocket and bought four more bottles of butterbeer. 

With a crack he arrived at Grimmauld Place and hurried into Number 12. He sat down in the kitchen with Harry, Ron and Hermione. They drank the butterbeer and discussed the Ministry angrily. A sense of helplessness was strong on Remus' mind and so he offered to help fight Voldemort with Harry, Ron and Hermione. 

Harry was shouting and Remus shouted back angrily. "Coward." the name echoed in his brain, in the exact same voice of James Potter. Remus quickly hurried away, he understood Harry's point but he couldn't hurt his wife and his baby who would always hate him. Remus slammed the front door of Number 12 behind him and Disapperated. 

He arrived on the bank of a lake. Their was a picnic table on the grass behind him, next to where he and his friends had parked their campervan. He remembered the bonfire they had had, he remembered James playing the guitar, remembered Sirius crying about the bee-sting on his foot, remembered Peter bombing into the lake at three in the morning, remembered Lily singing along to James' guitar. Remus buried his face in his hands again, ashamed of yet another thing as he remembered yelling at their son. He remembered giving Harry a little sweater, remembered rocking him back to sleep when he was a week old and his parents had fallen asleep on the couch, remembered the little boy in the cafe, remembered the boy asking questions about Dementors, remembered the man in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place telling him to go back to his family. Remus knew he would have to, knew his wife and child needed him, but wasn't ready just yet.