Chapter 20 - I didn't feel anything

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I was the ocean, you wanted rivers. I was the moon, you chased the stars.

- R. H. Sin


The month of January passed by surprisingly fast. No wonder with all the stress I was currently under.

First there was Adrian. I was taking things very, very slow, only showing affection when no one was around. I didn't want anyone to know about this before I was one hundred percent sure it was what I wanted. I had a reputation to uphold. The only people I had told about it were Tracey and Daphne.

He was surprisingly completely fine with it. I guess he was actually taking this very seriously.

I wouldn't be able to keep this up for long, though. Adrian was exciting and caring. Sneaking little kisses when we were alone, always asking for permission, telling me every chance he got that I looked beautiful and teasing me along the way. I was falling for him badly.

And then there was Draco bloody Malfoy. He annoyed me the absolute most, but he wasn't being mean, which was a great improvement. He did test me every chance he got, but he had left the low insults behind. Just yesterday, he rubbed my Acceptable on an Ancient Runes test in my face. I had misinterpreted one of the questions, causing me to flunk it. It was frustrating.

"Couldn't help but notice the fat A on your test, Selwyn. Bit disappointing, don't you think?" Malfoy laughed, followed by Crabbe and Goyle.

"Shut it, Malfoy. I didn't ask for your opinion", I snapped at him.

"Oh I don't care much whether you asked for it or not", he chuckled. "You should have studied more."

"I studied just fine!" I said, grabbing his cloak and pushing him against the window sill. "I wouldn't be too confident now. I'm going to crush you when we sit our O.W.L's. We'll see who's laughing then", I said quietly.

"You think you'll do better than me?" he said, raising his eyebrows. "In your dreams." He pulled himself out of my grip and walked on, sniggering with his goons. He was infuriating.

The worst part was that he had started flirting with Daphne again and I didn't know what his intentions were. It had been like this since the beginning of the year and he hadn't made a single move yet, so what was he playing at?

But there was no way I could convince Daphne that he didn't care. She'd just get angry and I had nothing to prove my theory. At least nothing I could tell her about.

Overall it was a rather quiet year at Hogwarts, unlike the hectic and tragic previous year. There was only one significant event in January: Azkaban's mass break-out.

I didn't show anyone how I felt about the news article, but I was slightly terrified. When my parents told me the news about Lord Voldemort returning last year, I had been shocked, but it seemed so far removed and unreal.

My family had supported the Dark Lord during the Wizarding War and I knew that when the time came, my parents would choose the same path, which meant that I was supposed to do that too, to follow in their footsteps.

My father was a death eater ...  And it terrified me.

The Wizarding War had become a chapter in my History book, meaning that I knew all about it, but just theoretically. I had grown up at Hogwarts, where I was told everyday what the good side was and what the bad side was.

And I was on the bad side.

This mass-breakout meant no good, but I only realised how significant it was when my father asked me to come home during Easter break. Something was about to happen and I did not want to be involved in it. But did I honestly have a choice?

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