Chapter 34 - It's like I wanted him to know, but I didn't want to tell him

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"You," he said, "are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain."

- Emilie Autumn


All the emotions were nicely bottled up again by the time we reached the castle. I had wiped away the silly tear before Tracey could see it and shrugged. 

Draco was just a stupid boy, I was not going to let him get to me. I would get excellent O.W.L. grades, become Head Girl, graduate Hogwarts with the highest honors and get an important job at the Ministry somewhere. I'd marry someone my parents approved of and once I moved out of Selwyn Keep, I would never have to see Draco Malfoy ever again.

So when Daphne stormed into the room, excitedly exclaiming that her and Malfoy had kissed, I smiled and hugged her. Draco was her dream and I had much bigger dreams.

"I'm so happy for you", I said and squeezed her a little tighter. Tracey joined the hug and we just stood there for a while. Everything would be just fine.

"How about we celebrate after supper with some Butterbeers and snacks", Daphne said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"Sure. I'm not very hungry, so I'm going to take a bath during supper and I'll go by the kitchens when I get back, okay?" I said. I was actually hungry, but I just didn't feel like watching Draco and Daphne be together just yet. I could pretend to be completely fine, but not when they were rubbing it in my face.

So as they went to supper, I went to the prefect's bathroom again. It had helped last time, so why not this time?

I spent a good hour in the large bath that was more like a swimming pool really. Not even my bathroom at home could compare to this. When I got out, my fingers were all wrinkly and my cheeks flushed from the steam.

I dried myself off and slipped into some trousers and a shirt, using multiple spells to tame the mess that was my hair. I felt a little better, but I knew this would take some time. But I could do this. I was Eleanor Selwyn, I was better than all of this.

I walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind me. When I turned back around, two silver eyes were staring at me intensely.

"You're avoiding me", Malfoy said, just a foot away from me. He pushed some of my wet hair out of my face and I turned my head away from his movement. This was not going to happen.

"Isn't that exactly what you wanted, Malfoy?" I sighed, wanting to take a step back, but the door was in my way.

"Yeah, not anymore", he said softly, his finger tracing my jawline before cupping my chin and pulling me closer to him. His lips grazed mine, but I was not going to allow him to do that, not anymore.

"Stop it!" I said and pushed him away from me. He didn't seem very surprised, as if he had expected my reaction.

"Why?" he said, each hand on another side of the doorway so I had nowhere to go. He was trying to get me to that weak puppy state again and I was not having it. I was not going to let this arse mess with me like that. He had made his decision so now it was my turn to make mine.

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself?!" I yelled at him. No one was around, but I wouldn't even care if someone heard. "You went on a date with Daphne, you kissed her for Merlin's sake and now you think you can just come running back like that?"

He rolled his eyes, only infuriating me even more.

"You and I both know that Daphne doesn't mean anything to me", he said.

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