Paint || BokuAka

- chapter 22 • each month; fight for sanity -

Each month.

Each god damn month.

Why did I let myself do this? Please tell me.. anyone?

Can you hear me? Please tell me you can hear me.

Hear my cries of pain, I'm alone.

He's forgotten. Forgotten everything hasn't he? But I remember. I remember everything, even that night.

I wish I had him once more.

Six months is too long. Six months of isolation, no one cares. I mean what can I say? I put myself into this. 

I miss them.. I miss them a lot.

Kenma.. I miss you and your game rages. Our cups of coffee at the café. Everything we did together.. that volleyball game! It all started there, didn't it?

Hell, I even miss Kuroo and his stupid hair. He was nice.

Do I miss him? That's what I wonder. Am I really a fool for him? He's a fool for me isn't he? He's an amazing person, too amazing for me.

I want to say sorry, Kōtarō. I ruined your volleyball career didn't I? I just ran away after I did! I'm a bitch aren't I? Honestly I'm glad you didn't run after me.. it showed me everything I've done wrong.

Thank you for not running after me.

Kōtarō I have one question, it's the same question I said at the beginning.

What would you say if I said I loved you?

Your response was all I ever wanted. Anything I would kill for! And you gave it to me. Thank you.

But nothing good came after that. Nothing at all.

Your life shattered in my hands. I can never forgive myself for that.

Kōtarō.. I love you.

But, please don't talk to me or run for me.

Ha! But the good thing is, is that you'll never see this. No one will, isn't it funny I'm writing to myself?

I think my mind is shattering into pieces.. that's okay though. I'd rather mine shatter than yours!

Don't worry this isn't a suicide note.. promise. I'm too of a chicken to do that.

If anyone ever sees this, please don't contact the person named Bokuto Kōtarō.

This was Akaashi Keiji thanking him for the wonderful months I had with him, I wish I had more.

I'm overreacting aren't I? What a pussy.

~

Akaashi trailed off from his studying to a random piece of paper. He wrote all this with a blank face.

"This is stupid.." He laughed to himself, putting the paper into the drawer next to him, he rolled over on his bed.

He felt his eyes sag, when was the time he got a decent amount of sleep? He slowly drifted off into a deep sleep.

~

He woke up abruptly, Saturday. He groaned and smashed his face back into his pillow. What is he suppose to do on a Saturday?

He didn't have work, which was a relief.

Akaashi didn't want to do anything that day. He couldn't do anything until the sky darkened anyways, that's how he felt.