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[29] CHAPTER REVIEW: Scent of Imminence (Teen Fiction)

Scent of Imminence by estheticrebel estheticrebel

SOI01 : Secrets Unfold (Chapter Title)
Teen Fiction (Genre)
Family & Consequences (Themes)
First Person Past (inconsistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌚🌚)

---------------- 1.04.2021 -----------

Wow. You hit pretty hard and come out swinging. WIth regards to getting the reader's attention, I think you did a great job. And even though the subject line is HEAVY and disturbing, you were able to present it in such a very thoughtful and tactful way.

As far as grammar and punctuation goes, you had some errors. Dialogue tags, however, is your weakest area. A quick google search on how to format dialogue would clear that up.

I thought your pacing was good. The situational interaction with the characters weren't common. In fact, they were hard to believe but at least the MC questions their validity and that helped lessen the jarring effect of, say, a woman appearing out of nowhere to give her what she gave her.

The ending was also tense and I think it served well for this genre and what fans of this genre are looking for. But this is a critique and I must be honest, the biggest problem is the plot holes caused by the way each character is portrayed. It's only compounded because the story isn't linear. It doesn't start with the abuse, then the mother finding out, then the rejection. Instead, it starts with the finding out, then the character telling us, the readers, about the encounter, then retelling about the finding out, but this time, instead of the mother being supportive, she's cruel. So which is it?

This reads like a first draft where you were discovering the story as you went and forgot to go back and erase the double outcomes. The mother comes off as supportive at first so it's hard for us to SEE supportive and then the MC SAYS the mother isn't supportive. This makes the MC come off as a liar, or unreliable. So which is it? If the mother is unreliable then she should hate the mother as well. And if he mother is unreliable then don't start with the current start. Start, instead, with the night it happened.

But if the mother IS supportive, then the instance about the mother blaming her needs to be cut. Without any of these changes, the narration becomes inconsistent.

This is a big start so I am wondering if it will come up again later on in the book. Will she be trying to confront her father or getting him put in jail?

Regardless of how you address it, I think you're very brave for taking on this subject. I also was pleased to see that it had a story of hope, giving us a glimpse of her possible happy ending.

Prologue?
None present.

Does this need an edit?
Yes. There are some dialogue tag and formatting issues. The punctuation is shaky. The plot needs to be established as well.

Would I read on?
Yes/No. Without a clear idea of...
A. the clear conflict
B. hints of what's to come (quest, adventure, romance, power struggle)
C. a clear possible solution for the MC
...then I wouldn't be too eager to jump to the next chapter.

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