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[45] CHAPTER REVIEW: Imaginary Amity (Teen Fiction)

Imaginary Amity by briannacannizzaro

Chapter one (Chapter Title)
Teen Fiction (Genre)
Awkward (Themes)
First Person Present (very inconsistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌗🌚🌚)

---------------- 2.07.2021 -----------

Firstly, I want to thank you for reading my second chapter of Perception, and some of chapter 3. I really do appreciate the reads. I'd like to fool myself into thinking you are a potential fan of the book, so it comes with great sorrow that I've gotta take a crowbar to your kneecap.

Not both kneecaps. Just one.

Let's start with the good, because they outweigh the bad QUITE a bit.

I really, REALLY enjoyed it. I love how she kept putting her foot in her mouth constantly. I was worried she was too abrasive at first, but it really grew on me. That aspect is refreshing because too often, we see 'perfect' characters who are hard to relate to. I also like the weird guys around her. And man, are there many. The story and the pacing was good as well. I didn't ever feel frustrated or think "I need to get out of here" at any time. I also wouldn't have stopped as a casual reader either. All great factors.

So why am I standing here with a piece of metal, ready to go to work on your leg?

Because you didn't make it worth my while.

There is absolutely NOTHING to indicate WHAT'S to come. And that's because you've left out the most important component in a first chapter... the problem.

What is her problem?

What are the consequences of those problems?

What is it she's trying to do?

What's standing in her way?

What will she do about it?

Take the most BASIC story, even a children's story, and there is ONE thing we all need, a problem. ALL stories need this, otherwise, it has no reason for being.

Think of Winnie the Pooh:
What's his problem? He wants honey.
What's standing in his way? Bees.
What's the solution? Pretend that it's raining.
What's the actual solution? Get some honey from his friends.

That's a plot.

What's the plot here? She even leaves detention without consequences.

You've got ALL the ingredients you need, cute MC, cute male interest, a fun cast, interesting school, even the teachers were fun to follow. But give us the conflict, give us a hint of what the book will hold for us (murder, mystery, or mayhem) and end on a cliff-hanger and you've got a real winner.

I'd be more than happy to read it again if the plot is clearly defined in chapter 1.

Prologue?
Skipped. As a rule, I do not read prologues. If you ever see me land on a prologue, rest assured, I got there accidentally.

Does this need an edit?
No. Your dialogue tags are on point. You need to decide which English you are spelling in. Because I did see some American spellings. Also, maybe mention where this is taking place 'earlier'?? But most importantly, the plot needs to be established.

Would I read on?
Yes/No. Without a clear idea of...
A. the clear conflict
B. hints of what's to come (quest, adventure, romance, power struggle)
C. a clear possible solution for the MC
...then I wouldn't be too eager to jump to the next chapter.

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