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[7] CHAPTER REVIEW: The PURPLE Clover (Teen Fiction)

The PURPLE Clover By xThePassionistax xThePassionistax

Ch-1 (A) (Chapter Title)
Teen Fiction (Genre)
Pain (Themes)
First Person Past (inconsistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌗🌚🌚🌚)

---------------- 11.30.2020 -----------

I can see that you put a lot of yourself into this first chapter and that you pulled from a lot of pain that maybe you are experiencing now, too. That's tough but writing about it will help bring it out of you. It'll take you through some rough times, I'm sure.

The pain and suffering you wanted to convey came through well. You did fall into some purple prose (ironically, considering the title of your book), but that's not the biggest concern.

We are introduced to Quinn who is going through a rough patch all around. She navigates it as well as she can but it's not an easy thing to do. When we meet her, it's not quite clear if she's in a regular hospital or a psych ward. I really could not tell. Wherever she is, she's being cared for by seemingly unsympathetic individuals which only compounds her pain even more.

While I can see the emotion and effort you put into this, and I know it was written more for you, and your pain and emotional turmoil than for the enjoyment of others, I still have to address it as something others will read. It's out there (it was out there) for readers to glimpse.

I'll be honest and tell you that it took me about two hours to read this 14 minute chapter. I'd estimate it was about 3k. And not just 3k because it's one chapter and split into two.

I'll tell you why it took me so long to read it, and you can decide what you'd like to do.

The main issue beyond grammar and punctuation is direction.

As I read your story, I imagined myself at the mouth of a maze. I entered and followed the path with confidence, but then it led to a stop (the dream). Okay, I go back to the start and go in again, this time leads to a doctor (who leaves), okay, I go back to the start. My third attempt leads to a nurse (who leaves, too). Back I go to the start of this maze, looking for someone (something) to guide me through the story. This time it led to a piece of paper with a very Alice in Wonderland vibe to it. Then it ends.

I really like the end of chapter 1A. It stops with a punch but all the restarts, restart, restart takes its toll.

At the end of the day, without reading the blurb, I do not know what the story is about.

I don't know:

- Her main problem
- Her solution to her main problem
- Things standing in the way of her solution to her main problem
- Consequences if she doesn't achieve the solution to her main problem
- Who is going to help her with the solution to the main problem
- Is she trying to save someone with the solution to the main problem
- What sort of genre is this? Will the reader encounter magic, romance, action, adventure, heartache? There is no hint right away to show a clear genre.
- What is the character good at? Is there ONE thing she does well that we can relate to? It's okay if she's got problems but doing one thing well will help round her out.

Think of any story, even The Cat In the Hat or Green Eggs and Ham. There is a problem. This guy is trying to enjoy his day and some other guy, Sam, is trying to get him to eat Green Eggs and Ham (problem). The guy runs away (solution). Sam chases him and pops up all over (standing in the way of his solution). If this guy doesn't escape, he'll be stuck eating this yucky looking Green eggs and Ham (consequence).

Without these elements presented before us, it's very difficult to travel the maze and start our journey. The pain and heartache that you want to convey WILL come through along the way, don't worry. But for now, the FOUR basic things needed for a story aren't present:

PROBLEM ⏩Solution ⏩ interference ⏩ consequences

Would I read on?

It's difficult to travel a maze without a path. The first part had a GREAT ending. However, I fear I might end up at the start of the maze yet again in the next chapter so I cannot travel through.

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