FREE Book Reviews

[21] CHAPTER REVIEW: Mine (Thriller)

Mine by hellocheeky hellocheeky

- One - (Chapter Title)
Thriller (Genre)
Past Mistakes (Themes)
First Person Past (fairly consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌝🌗🌚)

---------------- 12.22.2020 -----------

As far as I can see, you have all the elements necessary for a good first chapter.
Clear MC: Wendy
Clear Genre: Romance
Few Characters: Wendy, Mom, Adam, Joe and Pat
Suspense: Good
Life-changing decision/even: Going home/finding Adam

If I had any critique it would be the seemingly perfect family. They are quite tepid and flat. I don't have much interest in them. Their perfect relationship is also hard for me to relate to. This doesn't mean it'll affect other readers. Because my home-life was never great, it's hard for me to connect with the MC. Isn't everyone just a bit TOO perfect?

As for the suspense. It was very good. Us not knowing what the big news was. Then after finding out, we could see the consequences.

Well done. I'd say 'tweak' the MC's home-life but if that is how you want it to be, then I think that would be perfectly fine, too.

The only thing that would hold me back is the 2 dimensional perfect family. Otherwise, I think it's a strong chapter and it's got a fantastic cliff-hanger ending. I think the chapter does need edits,

Prologue?
Skipped. As a rule, I do not read prologues.

Does this need an edit?
Yes/No. It does need tweaking to make it smoother but overall the grammar and punctuation were well-done.

Would I read on?
Yes/No. While the writing was good, I couldn't relate to the MC's perfect family and perfect life. Everyone's just so good and flawless. She's got no worries in the city and no worries back home. She's good looking and popular. How many of us can see ourselves in her? BUT, I think many readers won't feel the way I do. So yes, for the writing and the mystery, I would. But without knowing if Adam is hot (no, not physically, but personality-wise), I'd be less inclined to continue.

For other readers though, I think you've got yourself a winning first chapter. Good job.

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