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[11] CHAPTER REVIEW: Our Perfect Imperfections (Paranormal)

Our Perfect Imperfections by _untold-secrets

01:)The crazy, hot murderer (Chapter Title)
Paranormal (Genre)
Death (Themes)
First Person Past (consistent)
Suspense level (🌝🌝🌗🌚🌚)

---------------- 12.09.2020 -----------

This is my second time reading this story and I'm thrilled to see it come such a long way. The previous version was creative but somewhat vague. This one is much clearer and more concise. I haven't read the prologue so I don't even know if the original is still there. I just know that the first chapter that I saw was far clearer.

But this is a critique so here we go.

Firstly, the opening. I have NEVER seen a 'wake up' scene that works. It's so difficult, in fact, that I'm DETERMINED to try to write one (just for bragging rights). Sadly, I haven't made that attempt and I'm not sure if your attempt had a solid landing.

The problem is that I don't know the MC enough to care what happens to her so early. It's harsh to say that but it's the truth. It really is like a first date. If someone you don't know meets on tragedy, you might feel genuinely sorry but then you get over it. If it's someone you love, that's gonna rip you in two. The first chapter attempts to tap into emotions early, emotions that I don't think we readily have for her.

Your strong point is your prose. The description worked well for the areas where it was. There were some confusing movements which I asked you about in inline comments.

Another concern, and my main concern, and the one which you really won't want to hear is...I don't like the MC.

At first, I thought the guy character could offset it but it just can't. Mean people are mean people. And she's so mean. Every word out of her mouth is an insult. Every thing uttered comes with sarcasm and vitriol and I'll be honest, if I wanted to spend x amount of time with a mean woman, I'd visit my mother.

As it stands, I care very little for her reaction. Her being confused and shocked is fine, but the fact that this guy is trying to help her and she's just rude to him back-to-back makes me want to tell the guy "dude, just leave her behind and keep moving."

I'm not sure what you can do with that/if you can do anything with that, but that is what I gathered.

The only reason I'd read on as of now is to understand the world a bit better because the lore was interesting. Some confusing bits should either be taken out until they can be explained better, i.e. the born how you die, but overall, it was an interesting concept.

Prologue?
Skipped. As a rule, I do not read prologues.

Does this need an edit?
Yes but nothing too heavy.

Would I read on?

Yes/No. The lore was somewhat confusing. I'd either need clear lore or a more appealing main character. So as is, it's unlikely but if either one is present, then yes.

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