Always Been You

Passing Notes

My legs are rested on the side of my bed. I have a thick textbook resting on my thighs as I look over my notes sitting on the desk. I also have my laptop open to take editing breaks. This week is packed with so many project deadlines. I also have my finance test in a few days and I'm not grasping this information. I just want to throw all my books across the room. I think I need a change of place. I haven't been to the library in a while, maybe I should continue there. I change into jeans, but keep my red flannel shirt on. I grab some snacks from the kitchen and head out. As I make my way to the library, I get a text from Kyle.

Kyle: What are you up to right now? Let's get drinks.

Me: Can't. I'm going to the library to finish my assignments

Kyle: Oh come on, have some fun ;)

Me: I'm really stressed out. I'll see you later, Kyle.

Although he'd be a great stress reliever, I can't afford to slack in my classes. Once I get into the library, I look for a seat in the quiet section, but it was packed like always. I walk down the stairs to the basement to go to my usual spot. The communal desks. My eyes search for an available seat in between people. I find one in the middle of two people. I put my bag on the chair and begin making myself at home. I try not to scatter my things too much and stay within my space. I sit down and think about where to start first. I definitely sighed five times since I've sat down. Okay, Kristina. Let's do this. I open my finance textbook and skip to the hardest chapter first. Ten minutes into reading the material I want to stab myself. I look to the ceiling and rub my eyes. As my gaze goes lower, I question my luck.

 Drew was intently doing his work with his headphones on. He was sitting behind the elevated divider. I haven't seen him since that game. And It's been almost two weeks. I feel like an idiot for being so rude to him. But I also remember the thing between him and Kylie. What would I even say to him now? Maybe I should mind my business and not look at him. 

Inbetween my cramming session, I couldn't help but look up at him periodically. The 5th time I looked at him, he lifted his head. We make major eye contact. I instantly smile at him. He takes a second to warm up, but also smiles back. He takes the headphone off of his right ear. "Hey," he says. "Hi," I say back. We look at each other for a few moments before either of us say anything. And when we do, we talk at the same time. Which makes me laugh. The girl next to me gives me a glare and I cover my mouth. Drew passes me a piece of paper from across the desk.

Drew: How are you? Haven't seen you in a while.

I write back - I'm alright! You? I've been busy

And so we go back and forth with the notes. Both of us would sometimes verbally react to the words exchanged. I could tell the people around us were getting annoyed. The girl next to me got up after a few moments and went back upstairs. Drew sees the opening and throws his bag on the chair from the other side. He situates himself quickly and turns his chair to face me.

"Hey,'' he says again, smiling. "Hi," I reply, smiling. Once we finished our conversation, Drew takes a second to look over what I was studying. "Finance?" he asks. I nod. I show him the exam outline. "So how's the studying going?" he asks me. I sigh. "If I'm being honest, not very well."

He takes my textbook and flips through the pages. "Go in order, don't skip over chapters. It all connects." I make a face and put my head down. "Okay, no. Get up. You got this." He starts writing something down on my notebook. "Next to each formula, rationalize each symbol. And indicate how you can find each numeric value." I do exactly what he tells me to. While I'm doing that, he begins putting my post it tabs on the important sections. By just looking at him it was clear he was putting effort into helping me. I put my hand on his arm. "Hey, you really don't have to waste time on this. You probably have more important things to do," I let him know. He chuckles. "First of all, you need to stop being so nosy. I know how to manage my time," he scoffs.

Slowly but surely, I start getting the hang of things. I went in order of the chapters and broke down every detail. Once I started doing my thing, he began working on his own material. Once I completed one chapter, I took out my laptop and began editing. At the same time, I get a text from Tyler telling me he shared the pictures we took of the game on google drive. I open up the file and scan through them. I get Drew's attention. I show him the pictures he was in. I was able to get one good shot of him jumping in the air with his hand knocking the ball out of the opponent's hands. "Wow. This is so cool. Thank you," he says looking through the folder. "I'll let you know once we edit these shots. I'll send them over to you when I can." I extend my phone to him indicating to put his number in.

"What happened after the game? You seemed annoyed about something," he comments while creating a new contact in my phone. "Oh. Um. Just something personal. I actually felt really bad that I took it out on you. I'm sorry," I apologize. At that moment I realized I began leaning forward, closer to him. I immediately fix my posture. "No worries. I was just confused and thought it was something I said or did." Well, you let a girl like Kylie play you like a fiddle. I honestly don't know why I was so open with him again today after all that. It just sucks because it's just so easy to talk to him. And he's so nice to me. Maybe he's just a nice guy and I began mistaking it for something else.

"I didn't know you knew Kylie. I've had classes with her over the past couple of years," I inform him. He looked surprised. "Oh yeah? I met her at one of their sorority mixers. The whole team was invited." I nod my head as I listen. "She's cool," he adds. Yeah, she is super cool! ''So how are you guys doing?" I ask. He gives me a weird expression again. "It's going fine. I didn't know you knew about our... thing," he says. Why is he being so weird about this? Maybe he doesn't feel comfortable talking about his personal life anymore.

 Before I could continue questioning him, Kyle walks into the basement with Mark. He walks straight up to me and leans over. Mark gives Drew a handshake and starts talking to him. "Are you still not done?" Kyle whines. I slightly push his body away from me. "You didn't go out yet?" I ask him. He shakes his head. "I wanted you to come." He then looks over at Drew who was still talking to Mark, but glanced over at us. "I see you're busy here," he comments. Okay, I don't understand why Kyle is acting like a boyfriend right now. "He was helping me with my finance review. Unlike you, trying to distract me." He closes my textbook and starts putting my papers away. "Good. So you're done here." I look over at Drew. "Yeah, I guess I am." I get up and put my stuff away into my bag. 

"Thank you so much for your help, Drew. I really owe you one," I tell him. He lightly smiles. "Don't worry about it, Kristina," he replies. "It was nice seeing you," he adds. "You too," I tell him before turning around in the other direction. Once we get outside the library, I pull on Kyle's arm. "Listen. I don't understand why you're being so pushy about going out with me. There are so many other girls that you could go out with," I yell at him. "I just... You're cool. I want to get to know you more," he confesses. If he said this same thing to me two months ago, I probably would be melting. 

"I know we're not dating or anything, but you're really chill. More than the girls I've come across lately. Plus, this is a good way for you to be more social, and not be a hermit." Kyle and I have been spending more time together. I do admit, we made out twice after that night at the club. In my defense, once was after he was playing soccer... shirtless. He looked so good, I couldn't resist. But both times have been in his dorm. So it's different that now he wants to hang out in a social setting. I'm surprised I am the only one who wants to keep our alliance a secret. But then again, it's common for him to be seen with different girls.  

So, I did end up getting drinks with Kyle. It wasn't so bad. I actually had a nice time. Kyle's friends were there, but he sat next to me the whole time. It's weird because it almost feels like he cares about me. I don't want to get in my head again. So I'm not going to let myself fall for someone like him, He drops me back at the apartment around 10 pm. As I get ready for bed, I reflect on my day. It was so sweet of Drew to help me out today. I hope I can get to know him more. But also maybe I should make more of an effort with Kyle. I am so confused. I need to take a chill pill. I can't possibly plan every single move.