Always Been You

Point of Views

I see him walking from a distance and try to formulate sentences in my head. He smiles as he gets closer to me. But it was more of a pity smile. As he takes a seat in front of me, I just look at him. "I'm sorry, Kristina," he says. "I don't want you to keep apologizing. I just want you to understand that what you did made me really upset. I was so excited to have a night with you. Especially since we haven't even got an opportunity to see each other in over two weeks," I explain. "I know. Trust me, I miss spending time with you. I just thought last night would've worked out. My phone died, and my head was somewhere else." I could tell he felt really bad from the tone of his voice. But it didn't make it okay.

"It's just that if you knew we were hanging out, why did you feel the need to go out?" I ask. "The boys won't leave me alone and it was only supposed to be an hour thing but then once Nick got there he just..." he started rambling on about what happened during his night out. "Drew, trust me I get it. I do appreciate your apology but it doesn't excuse the fact that you stood me up," I emphasize. He looked confused. "Babe, all I can say is that I'm sorry. I made a mistake. I can't undo what happened." I put my hands on my head in annoyance. "You don't have to keep saying sorry. It's just that I had a protein shake ready for you, and I made dinner for us. I got ready and put on the perfume you like, for me to just eat the food by myself, and go to bed alone. The past two weeks have been so busy that I just really needed to talk things through with you last night," I tell him.

He sits up straight. "I know. The past two weeks have been pretty rough for me too. So I understand. But I honestly thought it was just going to be a chill night in, with take-out. You didn't tell me you were doing so much," he becomes defensive. "Maybe because I wanted to do something nice for you? And why does it matter if it was supposed to be a chill night or not? Shouldn't I still be a priority, especially since you've been with your boys constantly? Yet you still chose them over me." This conversation escalated and I didn't even know where it was going.

"But if I had known, I would've been more assertive with them. I feel like this situation is being blown out of proportion. I mismanaged my time, and admit I fucked up. You're acting like I purposely intended for this to happen," he goes on. I felt a knot in my throat. "Your intentions were pretty clear the second you took our time together for granted. I feel like you're coming at me for having feelings? And I'm baffled at how this conversation is going," my voice began to get a little shaky. More than upset, I was now feeling more mad. "Can we please not make this into an issue? I said I'm sorry, Kristina," he reached for my hand. I get up from my seat. "I just wish you really meant it, Drew." He called out my name as I walked away, but I ignored him. I feel like I saw a side of him I had never before.I woke up the next day with a pretty busy itinerary. I had some personal errands to run before going to Jacob's birthday party tonight. I told my mom I was gonna stop by for a few hours and we could make a target run together. It would be a good distraction from everything that happened the past two days. What sucks about caring so much about someone is that you're more likely to get hurt easily. Jacob obviously invited him tonight too, but I don't know if he'll show up. I don't want it to be a big thing if he doesn't show. Everyone's just gonna keep asking me where he is. I don't wanna deal with that.

Nicole and Alia offered to pick me up on their way to Jacob's. I didn't feel the best so I kept it simple with my outfit and wore skinny jeans and a loose flannel with a bralette. Jacob lived only five minutes away from me. We were one of the first few people to arrive. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY BITCH!" the three of them unanimously yell as he opens the door. Jacob strikes a pose and smiles. After hugging him and also giving him birthday punches, all of us disperse in separate directions. I recognized a few people from high school so I mingled with them for a bit.

When more people began to arrive, I began to feel anxious. I kept looking at the door to see if it was Drew. I couldn't even ask anyone to find out for me because then it'll be a whole thing. I was doing my best to stay engaged in some type of conversation. Eventually, the party mood set in, and everyone was just vibing out to the music. "Do you want me to grab you a drink?" Nicole asks before heading to the cooler. I shake my head. Alia and I were taking pictures when I saw Karan's text pop up on the top.

Karan: We're walking in now

I turn to the door and see him and Drew walk in. I accidentally made eye contact with him, even from a distance. I panic and quickly turn the other way. I get a rush of mixed emotions. I'm mad, sad, and frustrated all at the same time. And of course, I thought it was safe to assume he came here for me, but when he chose to walk right past and grab a drink with Karan, it infuriated me. I waited a few more minutes to see if he would even acknowledge everything that happened. Does he not even care?

"I'm gonna use the bathroom," I tell Alia and make my way upstairs. I go into Jacob's room and shut the door behind me. I take a seat on the floor and rest my back against the bed. Am I overacting? Why do I feel like my feelings are invalid? Is this what actual relationships feel like? I want to have fun and not think about anything serious but I can't help it. I'm hating myself for that.

"Kristina, are you okay?" Jacob pokes his head into his own room. I look up and nod my head. "Yeah. Yeah! I just needed a minute." He sits down next to me. "I noticed something weird happened downstairs. And then you just disappear. Why are you upset?" he asks. Great. The last thing I wanted to do is take the shine away from the birthday boy. "Jacob, I'll be fine. Please go back to your party! I don't want to spoil your mood." It only took seconds for him to persuade me into telling him. So I did. I gave him the gist within five minutes.

"The thing about guys is that they don't think about little things like that. Especially straight guys. But if he wants to be with you, he should be considerate of your feelings. A sincere apology would go a long way. But I'm sure he would never have done that if he knew how it was gonna turn out," he explains. I think I just needed a pep talk. I give him a hug and tell him I'm gonna join back in a few minutes. "Okay, stay here. I'm gonna send Drew up here so ya'll can talk it out," he says rushing out the door.

I spend the next ten minutes just waiting for Drew to come. My eyes were fixated on the door and now began to hurt. I walk down the stairs and sigh to myself. A few people were standing by the kitchen corridor, and Drew was one of them. I think Jacob's friend Derek just got here. There was a girl in between them; she looked a little tipsy. Her body was leaning towards Drew. They were talking up until a few people dragged her to the living room. Drew looks at me like he's been caught off guard. I stare at him not knowing what to say.

"So this is more important than talking to me, huh?". I shake my head and walk out the front door. Drew quickly pulls my arm and stops me from going any further. "Kristina, I was coming upstairs. But then Jacob's friends walked in and.." he defends himself. "It doesn't matter! Because you walk in here acting like it's all good. You don't even bother to say something to me. Jacob had to go tell you to talk to me," I complain. "You looked away when I walked in! I thought you wanted space," he exclaims. We moved the conversation back inside in the dining area, where it was relatively empty.

The first few minutes were spent just recapping what had happened, and then the conversation that took place after. "You can go out whenever you want with whoever you want, but please tell me you're gonna come over just to not follow through, Drew." I'm angrier at this point than upset. I'm annoyed that he doesn't seem to understand the root of the issue. "I said I'm sorry! I don't really know how to make this right. What do you want me to do?" he lets out a sigh. "I want you to fucking care about my feelings! Yes, you apologized. But also you made me feel like my viewpoint wasn't valid. It's the way you went about defending yourself but making a strong point that I was overreacting," I make my case.

Even though Drew was listening to me, his opinion about the matter stayed the same. My throat began drying up and I was getting mentally exhausted by the second. "I just don't like things being complicated between us," he says, grabbing onto my hand. "Neither do I. But things like that bother me, Drew. I hate when I feel like my voice isn't being heard and to feel like I'm being too sensitive," I tell him. He nods his head. "I get that but..." he tunes off. Jacob walks past us, and he looks distraught. I think something just happened with everyone in the living room. I immediately get it. "Drew, I really don't wanna fight anymore," I say, picking up my phone from the counter. "I need to be there for Jacob right now," I add as I follow in his footsteps. But as I get closer, I see Derek run after him too. Maybe I should let him handle this situation. I turn around and go back to where I was sitting. Drew wasn't there anymore. go to Alia and Nicole. "Hey, can you drop me off, Alia? It's been a long day."