Always Been You

Introducing me

"One caramel latte... for... Kristina" the barista behind the campus Starbucks counter yells as she handles 5 drinks at once. I grab a straw from the counter and thank her as I take my first sip. Not the best, but It'll do. Never expect much from anything I buy on campus. The nearest actual Starbucks in a 15-minute walk and I was not about to take a trip right before class. I try not to drink too much before I walk across campus to get to my class, but it's because I desperately need the energy. I was up till 3 am last night. 

As I enter the building, I make eye contact with 3 people that I had classes with last semester, and I force myself to smile at them. I told myself I was going to be visibly nicer this time around. Being born with R.B.F. isn't easy.

I was one of the first few people in my professional writing class. I set my coffee cup on the edge of the desk, and adjust my bag on the floor. I pull out my laptop as I wait for my friend to join me. Alia, she's my roommate. She has a habit of running late, like, all the time. It's also a 12:45pm class, so I don't understand why it's hard to wake up in time.

"Kapoor, don't hate me, I'm here," She whispers as she stumbles into the seat next to me. I give her a look and shake my head. I handed her the extra packet of grammar rules I pulled aside for her. The professor thankfully didn't ramble on too much, and let us out after an hour.

"Should we get something to eat?" Alia asks me as we walk towards the cafeteria. "Yeah, Jacob and Nicole said they were already here," I tell her.

                                                          **Kristina: Where are you guys sitting?

                                                              Jacob: Look to your left dumbass**

I sigh and look to my left to see Jacob waving his arms in the air. Alia and I head over to their table, which was occupied by him, Nicole, and her boyfriend Mark. I've known Nicole and Jacob since high school. Jacob and I have been friends since 9th grade. Nicole and I formed a bond in our senior year.

"Call me dumbass again and I'll slap the glasses off your face," I smile as I warn him. "Anyways, are we still on for Thursday night guys?" Nicole changes the subject. "The game?" Alia asks fixing her lip gloss looking in her compact mirror. "Yeah. Mark and I will meet you guys at the sports center," she says reaching into her bag. She places four tickets on the table. "Make sure to bring this with you, they're being more strict with security and stuff."

I take a look at the ticket and put it in my front pocket. "We shouldn't even need a ticket since Alia's twin is on the team," I joke. "Yeah, only if that benefited me in any way. He's always the cooler twin at the family parties," she replies.

As they continue with the conversation, I doze off into my own world. I tend to do that a lot. I was thinking of a presentation I had next week and I was already losing my shit. I give myself mental pep talks all the time, no matter where I am. I was in the middle of it right now.

"So can you, or not?" Jacob asks while snapping his fingers in front of my face to get me back into reality.

"Sorry..what?" I ask. Then he fills me in about these flyers he needed to print on cardstock paper. Since I occasionally work at the library, I can easily print it out on fancy paper for no cost. I nod my head and add a reminder to my phone.

After a few minutes, I attend my second class of the day, which is a journalism class. My professor has been making us write small cover stories in order to prepare us for a bigger project later in the semester. It's not too bad, it just takes a good amount of time. I only have 2 classes on Monday and Wednesday, so after those, I either head back to my dorm for the rest of the evening or try to be productive and go to the gym or attend a club meeting. Today was definitely a night I needed to myself.

The apartment building I live in is only a five-minute walk from campus. On the days I get really lazy, I sometimes drive myself. It's actually a part of the university's property. It's an apartment with three single rooms, a shared kitchen, bathroom, and living room area. The third room we have is not occupied so we just use it for storage. As I walk into the apartment, I hang my keys on the hook on the left. On the right is the kitchen, following the living room in front of it. If you walk a few steps down the door, the rooms and bathroom are all in a hallway on the left. My room is all the way down the hall, opposite of Alia's. 

Once I freshen up, I reheat yesterday's lunch I had saved for dinner. I'm usually good with cooking my own food, but I do occasionally get food from the dining services on campus. Sometimes when I go back home for the weekend my mom sends me with a bunch of ready-made food. Since I'm from an Indian family, I love spice and flavor, which campus food lacks most of the time. Although I'd love to cook some elaborate dishes in the apartment, the "curry" smell would spread like wildfire.

After a thorough nighttime routine, I go to bed early knowing I had a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I put my phone silent, and set it on my side table. I try to write a page every night to wrap up my day or the general emotions I felt. It helps me keep track of how much progress I'm making on my journey of "self-love." I try to convince myself that this semester will be my best one yet (fake it till you make it, right?). Once I'm done, I put away my journal and call it a night.