Always Been You

A Holiday Reunion

"Medium is fine," I tell the Kung Fu tea employee. I step aside so I can wait for my order. The mall gets so crowded during the holidays because everyone takes part in last-minute shopping. And so was I. I had ordered a lot of stuff off of Amazon and Target, but I just wanted to make a round around the stores for the in-store deals. This also gave me a chance to catch up with some friends who came back home for the break. 

"I can't wait to indulge the bubbles," Rebecca says picking up both of our drinks. Rebecca Bartoli and I have been friends since the summer following high school graduation. We were counselors at the same camp and we've been close ever since. She moved into town that summer, and now goes to college in Texas. I stab my straw through the plastic seal that was covering my bubble tea. I take one small sip and my mouth gets greeted by 5 bubbles.

"What was I saying before this?" Becca asks me. "Something about this guy in Texas," I remind her. "Oh yeah, so this asshole really thought I'd take him back after he told me he doesn't believe in global warming. What a dumb fuck." I let out a loud laugh and grab the attention of people walking by us. I cover my mouth to conceal my laughter. "Rebecca, you are too funny," I tell her. 

After a few more minutes of walking around and window shopping, we decide to give up and go home. I invited her back to my house so we could chill for a bit. We go straight up to my room. She takes a seat on the futon by my closet. I rest my back on the headboard of my bed. We started reminiscing about camp and other times we've hung out.

"It was so obvious they were hooking up," she squeals. Becca was talking about this really cute guy from camp that worked with us. John. All of us definitely had a bit of a crush on him. But I do remember him and I got along super well. The kids that were in our groups were close to each so we would always sit next to each other during the activities. Some of the campers would even tease us. He also went to the same high school as me so we knew each other for a while before we worked together. "You guys honestly would've been cute together," she adds. I sigh and roll my eyes. "Well, everything is not what it seems." In the last two weeks, a rumor was going around that John and another counselor, Emily, were hooking up. And Emily happened to be a girl that used to be good friends with me in high school. And after one petty fight, she stopped talking to me. And I think she knew I had a crush on John. She didn't even talk to him halfway through the season. John and I were going to sign up for an out of school bowling event together, and last minute, she put her name on the sheet right before I did. And from there they hit it off I guess? But I was SO upset after that. 

"It just sucks because she was someone I cared about once, and she intentionally tried to hurt me. At the moment, I remember I was so heartbroken or whatever. And you were there to listen to all my rants," I smile at Rebecca. "Of course! Emily was and will always be a bitch. She posts about her glamorous life all the time," she starts telling me details about her. Not gonna lie, I kinda zoned out thinking of that time of my life.

"Not gonna lie, I wish you had said something to her. John also just got played for the last two weeks of summer, and then she dumped him too," Rebecca says to me. "What was I supposed to say though? Hey, you! Don't date him, I have a secret crush on him. And I don't have the guts to tell him, so don't go near him," I sarcastically comment back. Rebecca sits up in her seat and throws a pillow at me.

"No. I wish you told him when you had the chance. And I know you're gonna say that he didn't like you like that, but how would you have known without him actually saying those words? You can't assume. You were, and are a great person. And I hate that you still don't believe in yourself."

"You are right, Becca. I really should've said something. But I didn't. And even if he did like me in any way, he liked her more. I'm not defending my stupidity and lack of confidence, but If I meant something to him, he wouldn't even look at another girl, right? If it was so easy for Emily to persuade him, then he was never worth it," I explain my thoughts. "I just wish I was the girl that a guy would stand up for," I add. I always put myself in situations where the guy is emotionally unavailable, not interested, or already is invested in something else. My recent venture, Kyle, is proof. I fill Rebecca in about whatever happened this semester.