Always Been You

Feelings are Confusing

I woke up earlier than usual today, and If I think about it, I didn't sleep that great last night either. Usually, when I sleep next to Drew, I'm out like a light. But this time, my thoughts kept me up late. I went to bed with the thoughts of feeling like I'm in love with Drew. This has come up at such a confusing time especially because we're just getting over the mess from a week ago. I tried to figure out if I was just getting too deep in my head again, but even after the few hours that I did sleep, I feel the very same right now. Love is always defined as such a lovely and pleasant feeling, but frankly, I was quite scared.

Of Course, love is never going to wait for convenience but give your girl a break, please! Now all I'm thinking is what if he doesn't love-love me yet (and what if he never does, or changes his mind). Do I tell him? Do I give it some time? Oh my God. I start freaking out as I'm literally laying beside the person I love. I turn over to look at him still sleeping. He looked so peaceful, so cute. I gently lean over and kiss his forehead before I turn the other way to get out of bed.

As my feet hover over my slippers, I'm suddenly pulled back. Drew's arms hug my waist and his head nuzzles onto my left shoulder while our heads are resting on the pillows. "Morning," he mumbles under his yawn. Something about a morning voice hits right in the feels. I place my vacant hand on his face. "Good morning, sleepyhead," I say, giving him a quick peck. For a few minutes, we lay in that position together.

"Okay, team breakfast is soon and your coach is going to be very mad if he finds out you were not in your room last night," I remind him. He groans. He stretches his arms and legs. As if he couldn't get any longer. "Coach should have no problem with me sleeping here because I always sleep so well when I'm with you." I smile. "Yeah, yeah. GET UP!" I yell. He forces himself to sit up in bed as he's still rubbing his eyes. I get up and put my hair in a bun. I also put away some stuff I had laying around the room just to get a quick head start on the day.

"Hey, I forgot to mention it, but my mom isn't coming anymore. So now we don't have to do separate meals with them. We can just get breakfast with my dad tomorrow since it would be our day off if we win tonight," he says. I look towards him. "Oh, I'm sorry your mom isn't coming anymore," I replied. He shakes his head. "Something came up at work. To be honest, it would've been complicated to handle anyways. So maybe it's better this way." Ever since Drew's parents got separated, it had been especially hard for him to cope with everything. Luckily with the support from his coach and his dad, he was able to focus on things that were going right in his life.

It makes me especially hard to hear it because I know how sensitive Drew can get when it comes to his parents. It's his greatest strength and weakness. I can only sympathize with Drew because I've never witnessed any marital problems with my parents. I can't imagine the intensity of the situation. But I know he's grown from that and his relationship with his mother has gotten better during his college years.

I jump into the shower once he leaves, and continue to get ready for the day. The weather was hotter than yesterday, so I chose to wear shorts with a front knot blouse. I tie my hair in a side braid.

After getting a mediocre bagel from the complimentary continental breakfast, I follow the work schedule step by step. We had some tasks set to complete before the game this afternoon. I'm still so shocked by the efficiency of our group dynamic. I always knew Tyler and I was a dream team but... sourpuss has had some sort of rebirth. I'm hoping he stays this way when we go back to New York. Because I don't mind this version of him that much.

As the sound of the final buzzer echoed through the room, the basketball ball slowly rolls off the court. Half of the stadium is filled with cheers, while the other is silent. I looked over at the left side of the court, and my heartfelt heavy. Some of them are still in shock, and the others have their heads down. We lost by 9 points. It was a very well-played game, but the other team had some tricks up their sleeves.