Always Been You

3 Day Weekend Pt.2

The next day, Drew's dad planned a barbeque for the fourth of July. A few of his friends were there that I met for the first time. Kyle, Connor, Jayden, Tim, and Ron. I was really nervous to meet them, but they were all so sweet to me. I've spoken to a few of them on FaceTime, but this was where I was going to make the first impression. These guys are like Drew's family, so they matter to me too. Connor and Ron's girlfriends were here too so I wasn't just in the midst of dudes. Jen and Rose were very chill. It was really nice to be a part of Drew's world. It always felt like he was a part of mine, and now finally I could enter his too.

After a few rounds of drinks, food, and games, the evening went by quite quickly. Once his dad wrapped up the grill, all of us went to a bigger gathering. By gathering, I mean party. One of Drew's friends always throws a big 4th of July shindig, and I wasn't gonna be the reason why we wouldn't go. But I have to be honest, I was getting very anxious. It was already taking a lot in me to socialize with his close group of friends for the first time, and now I was going to meet a lot more.

I held onto Drew's hand tightly as he introduced me to whoever we came across. Many of them were already drunk, so I didn't have to try hard to talk. I was too full from before, so I chose not to drink or eat anything. But Drew has a high tolerance, so he chugged like two beers in the first 10 minutes. It was so different to see his behavior around his friends. It gave me a good idea of how he was in high school. He looked really happy though. A lot of bro hugs and fist bumps.

Jen kept me company with a few of her other friends. We sat on lawn chairs by the fire pit. The boys were playing volleyball in one corner of the backyard. I feel like I entered a parallel universe. I'm glad that these girls were keeping me company because I felt more at ease. Well, until my eyes landed on the one girl who entered the scene. She was tall, and slim with long dirty blonde hair. She waved to a few people and headed straight to the volleyball net. By the way she grabbed everyone's attention, I could tell she was trouble.

Jen sighs. "Who even invites her?" she looks at her friend. "Who is that?"I ask her. She hesitates at first. Rose clears her throat.
"That's um.. Julia," she says. Julia. THE Julia? Like, Drew's ex-girlfriend who broke his heart, Julia? From the way these girls were talking about her, I could tell she's not a girls girl. I observed her from afar for a few minutes before I walked up to them with Jen. Drew looks at me and smiles. "Hey babe, you good?" he asks, kissing my forehead. I nod. Julia looks over at me for a second and then turns her back to me.

I cling to Drew for a few minutes because I felt like cuddling with him, and also partly because I wanted to make a point to Julia. "Everyone likes you," he says to me. "Really? I'm glad to hear that." I reach up to kiss Drew. But before we could get any more words in, Julia walked up to us. "Hey Drew, is this your New York girlfriend?" she cheerfully asked. I fake a smile at her. She said New York as if he's dating a girl from every other state. "Yeah. This is Kristina. Kristina, this is Julia," he introduces us. She proceeds to ask me a few dumb questions about New York and I do my best to answer without giving her attitude. Looking at her now, I can't help but think how she looks like she walked out of an Instagram post. She is stunning, I can't even lie.

Soon enough, everyone formed teams and played beer pong. I opted to play because the smoke from everyone's vapes and cigarettes was interfering with my sinuses. I just wanted to leave.

I pull Drew aside from his team. "Babe, I'm kinda feeling nauseous with all the smoke. You think we could leave?" I shout in his ear. He pats my shoulder. "Yeah! We can go, let me just finish this?" he points to the table. I nod my head and sit back down. I patiently wait for the game to be over, but they all really suck. No one was getting it in the cups.

For some odd reason, Julia thinks it's a good idea to come over to talk to me. "He's such a good guy, isn't he?" she stares back at Drew. I nod. Jen looks at me and smirks. "You and Drew are so cute together," she remarks. Julia flashes Jen a smile. "Long-distance must be so hard. I could like never do it," she comments. The casualty in her tone was very irritating. It was hard but I wasn't going to admit that to her. I think I was making it pretty clear I didn't want to talk to her, but she kept poking at me.

"I'm so happy he's going to be here with all of us here now. I can't wait for weekly happy hours after work!" Hold on. What does that mean? Jen catches onto confusion. "He told you about his new job, right?" she whispers in my ear. Um, no he did not. Why would Drew not tell me about this? Something so major.

Shortly, we came back home. The game was on, and we both were situated on the couch. I'm still waiting to see if Drew was going to tell him about his job. Especially since we talked about the possibility of me maybe moving here, just last night. It didn't make sense why he wouldn't have come right out and told him. Although I wanted to give him a chance to come clean, it bothered me that he already made this decision without telling me anything about it.

So we just watched a movie and were stuck like glue to each other. For the night, I put aside the logical side of me and focused on Drew. I love him, I really do. I've gotten to learn that a relationship requires so much more than just love. We've both had to work twice as hard as before to keep things relatively normal. When I'm with him, it all feels right. It's when we're away is when I feel all the other emotions. Even though work has kept me busy most of my time, I can't escape my concerns when I'm alone at night. But I keep telling myself, that we're gonna get through this, and it's gonna get better.

I woke up a little sad knowing I was going home, and away from him. A part of me was also worried about what happens next. He kind of made his decision about long-distance already, and now the ball is apparently in my court. I don't know if I can handle the pressure. 

On the drive to the airport, I casually try to bring it up. But I am not much of a casual person. "I'm getting paid for coaching now. So it's more legit than before. It's just for the fall semester. And I just need more time before I start working for corporate," he admits. I express my thoughts after carefully listening to what he had to say. "I just wish you would've kept me in the loop with what you were thinking. Because I'm sitting there in New York trying to scope jobs for you so we both can pursue our dreams from the same place. You're the one who wanted to work in the city, it's not like I just made that up. So it's just confusing why you keep postponing it. Our relationship is also being affected at the same time."

This whole situation makes me think he was okay with keeping us apart from each other for longer than I wanted to. It's clear he wants to stay in his comfort zone, but I might have to get out of mine for the sake of our relationship. "I don't mean to hide anything from you. Ever. I just need you to give me space to figure out my own shit. I know you want the best for me, but sometimes it gets too much for me. I'll figure things out. I promise," he tells me. I still don't think he understands how much his indecisiveness affects me. But now I feel like I'm overwhelming him with my own needs. "Okay, I understand," I respond.

After getting out of the car, he pulls me in for a hug. Why can't we just be in love, with nothing else in between?