Withhold [H.S]

[Chapter 51]

Payton's POV

"Why did you leave without saying goodbye?" Harry suddenly asked, his eyes deepening with sadness.

I shook my head as we made eye contact, not wanting to deal with this right now. "Harry..." I sighed as I looked off to the side.

"No, please. Payton, tell me. Why didn't you at least say goodbye? I thought- I thought we shared something you know? I thought, I thought maybe we connected somehow." He pleaded as I closed my eyes.

"Does this really matter to you Harry? Do you want something to happen between us? This can't go the way you want it to go. It doesn't make sense. It's wrong Harry. It's wrong if you fall for me and if I fall for you. I won't allow it." I said as I looked up at him.

"But do you feel something?" He asked as he grabbed my waist, pulling me close as I widened my eyes.

"Harry-"

"Do you feel something? With me? At all? Like from the moments we shared when I took you out, or .... when we....." He then paused as he looked down at my lips, causing butterflies to erupt in my stomach.

"Why do you even want something with me Harry? This doesn't make sense. This isn't like you. You were this.. mean person who was just angry with me all the time. You don't fall for people. You never fall in love. You avoid all types of love and the last thing you want is a relationship." I replied as I shook my head.

"Why do you label me as something so horrible? Is that really all that you see in me? After all we've been through? Yeah I was a jackass to you Payton but I showed you my true self in the end! I befriended you and put my act to the side. I was vulnerable with you Pay, I ... I told you my past. I told you so much about me." He spoke as his eyes looked deep into mine.

"I know you did.... and I honestly appreciated the fact that you could be open with me. And trust me I won't ever use your past against you, but this... this can't be... a thing. Whatever you're feeling, whatever you're trying to say. It needs to stop. It just... it can't work." I said as I placed my hand in between us and began backing away.

"Payton I don't understand." Harry said as he shook his head.

"Then understand this. You can't ever love me. Or be in love with me. That's not what you do. That's not your thing. You hunt, you kill, you sell drugs.... you're a criminal Harry. And just by you being here brings danger along with you. It could lead to danger for myself. You could get thrown in jail Harry and you're really worrying about me right now? Why don't you just go back to hiding and just stay away from me. You need to let this go." I said as I felt tears in my eyes.

"Payton I...."

"Harry, please. For the sake of both of us.... let this thing go. It can't ever happen. There's nothing between us." I said as I took a step back while he remained still.

"You were good to me Harry... and I thank you, I thank for sparing my life and being kind in the end. But this is where it ends. This is where it needs to stop. You need to forget about me so that I can forget about you. Once it's all over we can go back to our normal lives and be okay again. We can both be happy." I explained as his eyes started to grow glossy.

"I'm not happy where I am Payton. There's no joy in what I do." He said as his voice slightly cracked.

"I can't help you Harry, I'm sorry.... I have to go." I said as a tear streamed down my face before I quickly walked past him, brushing shoulders.

I never felt more pain in my life than walking away from Harry. I never thought it would be so hard to walk away from the person who kidnapped me and took so much away from my life. I never thought I would be the person who grew attached to their captor. As much as I didn't want to admit it, I did feel a connection between Harry and I. But it wasn't worth growing. It wasn't worth saving.