𝕊𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕥 / 𝕄𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘

chapter [18]

!!Trigger Warning!! Mention of attempted suicide

"I SAID FUCK OFF!"

Jisung saw his father in front of him. Clearly... his fists were aiming at him one after another but he couldn't move. No, he had to get up, he had to run.
Not knowing what was real or a halluzination Jisung pushed himself up and ran out of the room. Normally he'd freeze at the spot, but right now was different... it was a different memory that came up being connected to his pain...

Go kill yourself

He heard whispered in his head again and again. Some sounded like his father, like Minho and like the many kids at school that had bullied him.

You're a piece of trash

You don't belong anywhere

You're ugly, no one likes you

I heard your mom left you? If I had a son like this I'd have set him out on the streets!

Go kill yourself...you'd please more people like that.

All this time here, Jisung had unconciously tried to push these thoughts back but hearing all those voices again he was reminded of the only thing that had kept him alive.
His adoptive family were the only people that had accepted him although they knew about everything he did.
Dahyun just took him in out of pity because she was his last relative. Chan was only nice to him because of his job as his therapist and Hyunjin... once he'd know what Jisung actually did to his father he'd begin to hate him just like Minho.
There was not a single person that saw him as a normal friend, not a single person that wasn't disgusted by him.

Not being able to breath Jisung went up the stairs, bumping into the wall and other objects. He needed to get air, he needed to breath or he'd faint.
The Lee Mansion only had 3 floors even though they were higher than usual ones but Jisung actually arrived at the stairs to the roof.

Pushing open the heavy door, the cold air hit his face and got fresh air into his lungs. However, the symptoms weren't gone... his balance was getting worse and worse and additionally he had problems focusing his eyes on anything.

Go kill yourself

Jisung heard the voice again and turned around to see his father standing in front of him and next him was Minho.

You should pay me back for taking my life, son... jump of... you don't deserve living.

They grinned widely making Jisung flinch back. This was only in his head, he kept telling himself. His father was dead.
Dead because Jisung killed him.

Slowly he turned around seeing the edge of the roof in the faint moon light from behind the clouds. Cold snow was covering his clothes and hair.

Whether these were imaginations didn't matter... because they were right. The only thing Jisung did these last few days was pretending to be fine and hoping people won't see through him but the only thing he achieved was causing trouble for others and once other's would see behind his act... they'd act the same way as Minho.

Right... Jisung's life had no happy future and there wasn't a thing he could do about it.

The edge suddenly seemed strangely close. Wobbling from one side to the other Jisung stared down at whatever was underneath him. It was so dark and Jisung felt dizzy so it was hard to make out anything.

With one last movement he stepped on top of the small elevstion before breathing out slowly.

Sorry... but I'm not worth it...