𝕊𝕚𝕝𝕖𝕟𝕥 / 𝕄𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕘

chapter [6]

The freezing cold of the night was feeling like thousands of needles on Jisung's skin but he couldn't care less.

Aimlessly, he had run through the streets while it had already become dark when he found himself entering a church that he had never known existed.
Tears were rolling uncontrollably down his face as he hugged his knies and sobbed heavily. All the pain he felt was worse than torture.
Finally, reality had hit him... finally his stupid self had realized the situation he was in.

Jisung was alone, he had always been alone... and if there really was a god in this world Jisung hated him for letting the boy live.
He wanted to die so he wouldn't feel the pain, so he didn't have to feel regretful and responsible for their deaths. What if he had screamed louder back then? Maybe someone would've heard him and come to save them?
Why didn't he try to free himself and call the cops?
Jisung felt so useless and unworthy of ever being loved by this family.

"AH!" he yelled putting all his frustration into it and slammed his head against his knees. It was the first sound that had come out of his throat since a few days but it didn't feel relieving in any way.
'I hate myself!' was what Jisung would like to yell.

And then again he'd see his adoptive mother's smile when he closed his eyes telling him that he should always love himself.
Jisung wanted nothing else but to grab her hand and feel the warmth of her hug but whenever he thought he'd reach her everything suddenly turned blood red and the only thing he heard were screams and an evil laugh.

'This world is full of pain and death...'
Jisung desperately tried to steady his breathing but it was no use.
His body felt like someone messed up the system so there was no way to controll it anymore.

"Hey boy! Do you think this is some hangout place for homeless scum like you?! Get lost before I call the cops!"
There was a yell comming from some small door at the other end of the church where an old man had appeared. His face was formed into an angry grimace when Jisung looked up at him.

Helplessly, he got up and stumbled to the heavy wooden door that led outside into the cold night.
The boy needed a few attempts to push it open before the cold hit his body once again.

'Where should I go now? Back to the Lee's mansion?'
No... Jisung was probably fired by now. But there was no other option.
The police would send him directly to a clinic for psycho's if he messed up living with Dahyun. She was the only person he could live with at the moment.

With shaking hands Jisung grabbed his phone that felt cold like ice in his hands while he felt a raindrop hitting his face.
'5 missed calls and 10 unread messages from Dahyun...'
Even Chan had called him a few times.
They were surely angry at him for staying away for so long. Jisung could already imagine his aunt telling him that he could do nothing right.

The rain got worse almost like in the afternoon and Jisung already gave up on staying dry. He had left his jacket and the umbrella that Jessi gave him in the café so there was nothing he could do except for waiting for the next bus to arrive.
But after 15 minutes Jisung realized that there weren't even busses driving to the busstop near the Lee's house after midnight.
He felt stupid for not realizing sooner and was near tears again... it was true. He couldn't do anything right.

On wobbly legs he walked along the street in the rain. Calling Dahyun or Chan to pick him up would only anger them even more Jisung thought so he decided he'd just walk the way home.
'Shouldn't take more than 2 hours...' he told himself trying to keep his eyes open that felt heavier with every step.

...

Minho didn't tell Felix that Jisung had ran of in tears when he came back. Instead he lied saying there was some small emergency that Jisung had to take care of so Felix wouldn't start to worry. Apperantly, it worked because when they got back home at 8 pm Felix simply played video games not worrying about anything.