Through The Storm

28

Estella

We arrived at my apartment and I rushed in to grab a bag, quickly doing what I could to get away from Cade. He was reluctant to stay in the car and inevitably followed me to my apartment door. Would I have to spend the rest of my life like this? I don't understand what he wants from me.

When I made it to my room I quickly grabbed whatever clothes I had hanging up, and rummaged through my drawers to find underwear. I came across the purple laced thong I wore the first night Cade had been intimate with me. Without a second thought I tossed them into the trash at the corner of my room, I needed no memory of losing myself that night or any night.

Cade had such a hold on me that I don't know if I would be able to breathe when he left. As much as I hated him, I felt like I needed him to live. He had showed me more to life in the month I've known him than I learned in my entire 24 years. This man made me feel alive and he also made me wish I was dead. How on earth could that be healthy? He was insane- a monster, an evil spawn. And I was captivated by every feature he inhabited.

I jumped when I turned and met his eyes staring into my back. How long had he been there?

"Did you throw these away?" He picked up the purple lace out of the trash can. So I guess he's been there long enough to see that.

"Yeah I don't want them anymore." There's no way he could know which ones they were, or that he'd remember them.

"I'll keep them." He stuffed them in his back pocket nonchalantly, almost as if it was a normal act for him. Oh god, how many girls panties did this man have from all the one night stands? How many girls had he been with like this? How many did he promise protection to while threatening their entire lives? It couldn't just be me.

"Why?"

"Why what princess?" He's playing dumb, that's aggravating.

"Why me?" I was baffled. I couldn't believe I was asking such serious questions; that I was opening my vulnerability to him like this. He had the power in this moment to completely shatter me. And I was unsure if he would take that chance or not.

"Why not you?" He wasn't giving clear answers, not sure why I expected anything else. This was Cade not some normal guy like Ben, who would tell me how he feels. Fine then. If he wanted it this way then we can do it this way.

"Never mind. Just get out please." I stated coldly, he wanted to do this silent and tense thing? Then fine I can give him that. He may believe he's the evil one, but he doesn't know shit about what I've done to the people who cross me. I base myself off of kindness but that doesn't mean I can't be a cold hearted bitch if I need to be.

He turned and walked out of the room, leaving me to be alone in my own head. There was an unexpected feeling of sadness knowing he left the room, as if I was feeling alone. What the hell is this guy doing to me? He had no control over me, I had to get out of this mind space that I was under his spell. I've been on my own most of my life; whether it was in times of need or not. I can be without him, and I plan to show him exactly that.

~~

I walked out with two suitcases packed and rolled into the kitchen. Cade was sitting at a barstool on his phone, probably texting one of his hoes that he won't be back until next week. Maybe he was texting Derek, I still have no idea what happened with him. Was he still laying there on the office floor? He was a jerk; more so than Cade which I didn't know was possible. Either way though, he didn't deserve to be knocked out. All he had done was find us in an intimate time- wait was it intimate for Cade? It was euphoric for me, did Cade care? I bet so many girls have done that to him. Wow I was stupid, how could I think that felt anywhere close to special for him?