Through The Storm

33

Estella

It took forever for me to finally fall asleep last night. Cade didn't return and when I woke up this morning he wasn't here either. I don't know what I want from him, I want him to just leave me alone but it's so hard when I feel so attached. All he's done to me is make my life harder than it was, yet I'm addicted to him. It pains me to be with him but maybe that's all apart of the reason.

Is it so far off to think I stick by him so I can feel something other than the numbness I felt not too long ago in that bathtub? Maybe he is my new numb, maybe the way my emotions fly with him like it's a hot summer day; is the new way my body feels numb enough to be alive. Maybe I need him to wipe away the burn marks and replace them with the fire he ignites on my skin. Maybe he was my salvation even though it was in the worst way possible.

I'm pulled from my thoughts as I hear him walking up the stairs, his steps were always so heavy. So filled with something other than himself, like he was carrying his sins in a bag over his shoulder. I jump when he slams the door open, is he mad?
"What's wrong?" I was always nervous around him, but I knew he could never hurt me. Maybe that made me naive, or maybe it made all the sense in the world.

"Get up. We're going out." He was stern, no room for objection to his commands.

"Where?"

"Wouldn't you like to know princess?" He was being an asshole per usual. Not wanting to poke the bear I complied.

~~

The drive was short, how had he known his way around Seattle? I flashed back to the plane when he was going back to Houston after staying here for some reason; did he have family here?

He came to a stop on the side of a cliff, maybe that was our new forte. Except, the last time he brought me to a cliff side he had done something he couldn't take back- and regret covered his face that night when he drove me home.

"What are we doing here?" I was asking out of fear and also hope that things would be different today. That just for an hour we would be civil and he could put away the cynical persona he lived behind. I knew there was more to him.

"I wanted to show you something." He held out his hand for me to grab onto, leading me to the side of the cliff. We were close enough to the edge that one jump and I would fall off.

I looked out at a beautiful waterfall right in front of me, the rapids at the bottom made the noise of running water mixed with peace. This was the peak of the world; I was sure of it. He turned towards me studying my face, why did he bring me here?

I suddenly started thinking of how easy it would be to let go right now, to let myself fly through the wind. I wondered if he would care- would he stop it? I looked at him with a devious smile; I felt like playing with fire today.

"Watch this!" I said to him cheerily as I stepped closer to the edge of the cliff. He watched with concerned eyes and kept his gaze flickering between my feet and my face.

"Stella what are you doing?" Was that fear in his voice? I stepped farther from him, only centimeters away from the edge now.

"Would you reach for me if I went to jump?"

"Would I what? Stella this isn't funny." He seemed agitated, good.

"Would you? It's a yes or no Cade." I shuffled my feet on the unstable rocks to create some friction and up the possibility of tripping off this ledge.

"Stella stop." He was saying words to me but I didn't care for them. This was the most in control I had felt in so many years. Standing here on this edge; only I had the power to decide my fate.

So I did. I stepped closer, wind picking up, as I continuously shuffled my shoes against the pebbles underneath. If I need a feeling to mask the numbness crawling through my veins- then this was everything I could've dreamed of.
"I wouldn't hold it against you if you pushed me right now. If you want to kill me here's your chance" I giggled as I taunted him. Maybe he wouldn't stop me? Maybe this could be the end.

I took one last inch forward, dangling my foot off the side of the cliff and right then is when I felt his arm pull me back. The heavy breaths panted through my lips and it took a minute for me to come back down from such an adrenaline high.

"Stella what the fuck was that?" He sneered at me looking me up and down in fury. I didn't care what he felt in this moment, it was about me right now.

"I knew you'd pull me back." I lied to him; I had no idea he would save me. I hadn't even hoped he would. In fact I was so welcoming to my death that it almost scared me how ready I had been. What was worse though, there wasn't a single feeling of regret building in my mind. I was at peace with all of this; or I was just comfortably numb.

"Bull fucking shit Estella. What the actual hell?" Cade was yelling at me. I didn't care, he can yell all he wants but right now I was just letting my self waver in this feeling. The feeling that I am in control, that I could make him care if I wanted to.
"What the hell were you thinking?" He was pulling me back towards the car, I had ignored all of the curses coming out of his mouth right now. I didn't need his judgement, especially when it's not like he's perfect.

"Cade just stop! You don't give a shit so shut up." I didn't say it for pity, I said it because it was the truth. He told me himself that he didn't care, so why bother?

"Are you that fucking dumb!? If I didn't care I wouldn't have pulled you away! Fuck Estella, what the hell do you want from me?" He was yelling at me now. Louder than the other times, and of course since we're in Seattle it started pouring down rain. He was just staring at me as we heaved heavily in our soaked clothes.

"Then why do you keep telling me I'm nothing!" I screamed at him. Screaming over the rain or screaming to get this thought out of my mind, I have no idea which one it was.

"Because you can't be anything or I-. I can't let you, it'll. You'll be ruined" he said as he looked down at his feet.

I stepped towards him before I could comprehend what I was doing, and I leaned up into his face. Pondering over his lips I finally placed a soft kiss to his. He kept it slow and sensual, this was the most amazing feeling I've had and I only ever experience it with him. He had this way of making me feel everything at once.

I didn't need the numbness or the pain, I wasn't addicted to the sadness in moments like these. He consumed every part of me, he hovered over every bone in my body, my mind was engulfed in a wave of Cade and only Cade. He deepened the kiss turning me around and pressing my back against his truck. I talked about Euphoria a lot, but it was the overall feeling that filled my veins every time I touched his skin. I don't know if I would ever get enough of him.

~~

[ Im genuinely tearing up at how beautiful this moment was :/. Well too bad I'll have to ruin it hehe. Just kidding... or am I? Thank you for reading and thanks for the votes and comments! They make me smile so much! New update soon!! <3 ]