Through The Storm

39

Estella

I knew better than to believe him when he said Jules came onto him. Even though we had our issues, she'd never do that to me. Then again she might've genuinely thought we were just friends. Which we are. Right? No we aren't friends. We aren't anything more either. I hate that man. Fury rushes through my bones at the thought of him and all he's done.

I'm guessing he's out somewhere getting laid considering he still hasn't come inside. This is exhausting, I never thought I'd be in a position like this. What did he want from me? I don't understand what could possibly be so valuable about me. I can't get the vision of that man lying lifeless on the floor out of my head. It's like a recurring nightmare, it won't stop replaying over and over.

Cade sent me up there, knowing what would happen, and then tried to pin it on me. He was pure evil, if anything he never had a single real feeling about me. All he wanted from me and all he's ever wanted was pleasure and entertainment; he said it himself. And my god did those words hurt. They shouldn't but they did. Badly.

I could feel my hands starting to tremble, it's happening again. I need this to stop, ever since I came back it's like I'm living in constant fear of my own mind.

I run downstairs and immediately search the cabinets for any kind of alcohol. I didn't drink often, besides back in Houston. But I needed something to numb this pain. I pull out the first bottle I see, Hennessy. I go to grab a cup and then decide I don't need it, I tip my head back and drink as much as I can before gagging.

This is awful. But so is everything else. I continue drinking until the bottles empty, my vision blurring and my head becoming too dizzy to hold up. I need to sit down. And I'm not sure if it's my own agony or the alcohol that's causing this swarming of my thoughts.

All everyone wants is to be appreciated right? Well after an abusive boyfriend and an even more abusive Cade I think I've decided that just isn't in the cards for Estella. It's clear to me now that I don't deserve happiness. I guess I deserve to be framed for murder, choked on the side of the road, and lied to by my own sister.

Maybe I deserve the daily threats from David, oh yeah those are a thing as well. I pull out my phone to remind myself of the latest one.
David: I swear to God if you don't stay away from that random asshole, you'll regret it.

Well that's easy enough considering he hates me as much as I despise him. How did he even know about Cade though? It had to have been Jules. She probably loved telling him things knowing he would be pissed at me. She's always been that way, how had I forgiven her so easily? I had pretended we were in some sort of fantasy. It was all because of that stupid tree house.

Remembering how easy it was as kids made it so convenient to just forget the past mistakes. It made it so tempting to override my conscience and forgive her. And I had. But then she kissed Cade. And as much as I wanted to blame him, maybe he was right. Maybe she did initiate it. But why?

I've come to the conclusion I need more drinks. I grab a shot of vodka and throw it back, immediately feeling the need to throw up. Instead though, I calm myself down and stumble back to the couch. Cade sleeps here, the thought makes me nauseous. He doesn't deserve a place to sleep or the hospitality of my mom.

The rage I feel is enough to persuade me to get more drinks, however it seems we're out. I need to get out of here anyway. I quickly call an Uber to the nearest bar, I've never even been to a bar down here. And I'm still in my clothes from going with Cade to the hotel. This was going to be a disaster.