Through The Storm

53

Cade

Dammit. I cut my fucking hand with this knife. Clearly cooking is not my strong suit. I'm just trying to make lasagna to take to Estella's house. I wanna make up for everything I've done. Every night, I lay awake thinking about all the fucked-up things I've done to her. Every. Single. Night. Don't even get me started on the nightmares that now include her. Seeing her in them, seeing what they do to her, screaming for them to stop—it's too much. And all fucking day they replay in my mind. Constant memories of me choking her, constant memories of all the things I've said to hurt her.

Well, the lasagna looks like ass. Fuck this shit, I'm going to Kristine's. I walk out my door, grabbing my keys and head to my car. I don't even listen to music on the drive, I'm too on edge thinking of every mistake I have ever made. E makes me wanna be a better person, she makes me wanna change every flaw I have, no scratch that—she makes me forget every flaw. I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna get her back.

Kristine only lives about 15 minutes from my penthouse, so I'm already here. I speed walk to the door and knock quickly, I wanna get this visit over with before she has time to lecture me. She knows everything about me, knows me better than I know myself. It's a cliché thing to say but she was my mother's best friend. In other words, as she likes to remind me, she's my Godmother. Maybe that's why I am so caught up on Stella, she reminds me of Kristine. Loving, generous, way too good to me. Fuck where is Kristine? She's taking forever to answer the door. I'm going in. I have a key, but I always knock out of respect of her privacy. What if something's wrong with her and that's why she isn't answering? What if someone found out she's the closest thing I have to any kind of family, and they're coming for her?

I open the door cautiously, pulling out my gun that I keep in my boot. Never know when I could need it. Nothing, no sign of forced entry or any shit like that. "Mama? You here?" I call out. And suddenly she comes around the corner, hair wet.

"Cade? What are you doing here honey? Oh my God, put that gun down!" Her voice is calming, even when there's fear littered in it. She knows I carry, and she knows who I am. Even with all the shit I've done, she loves me like her son.

"I need help with something. Why didn't you answer the door?"

"I'm sorry, I was in the shower. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, I just need you to make me some dinner for Estella."

"Oh baby, of course I can do that." Thank fuck. "What are you thinking?" She asks.

"Well, I tried to make lasagna, but it turned out awful and I know we don't have much time now. So maybe some type of pasta?"

"I have shrimp, I was going to make shrimp scampi tonight, I'll go ahead and start now."

"Yeah, that's perfect." I sit at the counter, watching her get the stuff out for food. She never lets me help cook so at this point I've stopped asking. She turns on my favorite song when I was a little boy, nothing like what I listen to now. American Pie. She sings along to the words, smiling at me. I know she wants me to sing with her, but I hate signing now. And now I remember the time me and Stella sang along to Afraid by The Neighborhood. That was the first time I sang in a long ass time. She brings that out in me. I can't explain it, hell I don't understand it.

"What's on your mind, why aren't you singing? This is your favorite song!" She says sweetly.

"Just a lot going on I guess."

"Your dad always said the same thing when he had issues."

"Don't bring him into this." I state coldly.

"Excuse me, who are you talking to with that tone?" And here we go. "I am not some friend Cade, I'm your—"

"My what? You're just someone who pretends to be my mother." Fuck that was harsh.

"You have two options. You can apologize to me right now or go wait in your room until the pity party is over."

"What am I 10? You can't tell me what to do anymore."

"Do I need to count? 1...2...3..."

"Alright fine Goddamn. I'm sorry. It was rude and uncalled for."

"Alright then." She turns the music back up and I sing with her until the song is over.

The food's almost done; we basically have been making small talk the whole time. She told me about the café and then said Estella is her only good employee.

"So, what's the deal with her? You love her?" Fuck if I know.

"Uh I don't know. I've never loved anyone." It's true. The only person I have ever loved was my little sister, and well like all my family, she's dead. Everyone is, except Kris.

"Yes, you do. It's okay to love her Cade. She brings out a side in you I haven't seen since your mother died." She stands up to pack the food into containers.

"My mother was an addict. She died when I was 11." I scoff. No way was that the last time I was happy. Fuck, happy. Am I happy?

"And as I said, that was the last time you felt anything. Until now Cade. Now, take this scampi and go get her back. I love you" She smiles, handing me the dish. With a quick kiss and hug.

"Love you too mama." She's the only person I can always count on.

I get to E's house. She opens the door, shocked and mad. I can see it written all over her face. "Can I come in?"

"You gonna tell me why you left this morning?"

"I can't but—" She goes to shut the door, but I stop it with my hand. "Please E. I need to talk to you." She moves to the side, waving me in.

"I already know why you left, I just wanted you to tell me." She whispers. How does she know?

"Uh, how?"

"My brother came by. He told me everything." Oh fuck, did she tell him any of the shit I did? If she did, he's gonna nearly kill me.

"Oh. Did you uh say anything? What all did he tell you? Did he say I work with him?"

"Yeah. You're in a gang. And you do drugs. And you choked me. And you are all the things I should be running from." She looks defeated, broken and hurt because of me. She's right though. I can't even be mad because she's right.

"Estella, I am so fucking sorry. I can't even say anything else; I know it wont matter. If you want me to go, I will. But you should take this food, I had Kristine make it. And uh just so you know, I haven't done anything since your welcome home party." I hate how I can hear my voice break as I say those words. I haven't touched a single drug since then. I've barely even drank.

"I didn't say to leave. I said I should run from you. But I can't." She comes towards me, placing her hand on my cheek. I reach up to hold it there, leaning into her caress.

"I am so sorry. For everything I've done to you. I will make it up to you, I promise baby girl." I lean down and kiss her. Gentle, soft, sweet. She is fucking perfect. Mama was right, I love her.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hear Dylan yell. Fuck. "Get your fucking hands off of my sister. I swear to God you're gonna fucking pay for what you did to her!" Oh shit. He comes launching at me, spinning me around, his fist collides with my cheek, the same one that was just caressed by Stell.

"Dylan stop! Stop, please!" I hear Estella cry out as Dylan has me pinnedto the floor, punch after punch after punch. Now I'm fucking mad.

~~

[ So, as I said, the book is coming to an end. The last few chapters will be coming out soon. It has been such a pleasure writing this. Thank you for the continuous support and love. I love you guys <3. Stay tuned for the end :) ]