Dance with Me

Chapter 15 - Two Halves of One Idiotic Whole

Hi, I'm a little late sorry! :( 

I think the worst thing is I'm here to give you really nasty destiel. Oh well....

Cas:

"I am assuming you have terminated your employment. Cas you know I prefer it when you call me Dean," Dean looked out at the city. "You'll visit me right? I mean I know shit is rocky between us but I can't loose you Cas, not like this and certainly not forever."

"I would like to remain your friend Dean but I think that this is very much never going to go away-"

"Oh you bastard, you are an absolute bastard Castiel Nightingale. I have tried over and over again to explain to you what happened and try to understand what you went through but you keep cutting me off."

"Dean-" Cas started.

"Oh no mister I'm not finished. Did you really think that I had it easy in that prison. I spent fucking days without food so that you could have some. I sleep in a fucking freezer so that you could have a blanket. I let myself be molested by a guy that I absolutely hate just so that you wouldn't have to endure a beating and all you do now is shove it off like you went through the fucking apocalypse while I was hand fed grapes. Sure I don't know what they did to you before I got there. Hell, I don't know what happened to you during either but you don't know what happened to me. So don't go and make yourself look like the victim of my actions because I would throw myself off this building if there was something I could have done to help you and I chose myself!" Dean panted and looked up Castiel who was standing a little back from the railing now, his eyes wide. What? He didn't mean that, he couldn't mean that. Dean was in love with Lucifer that much he knew. Or he thought he knew. Dean shattered anything that he thought he knew with his next words. Dean mumbled something before lifting his head to look Castiel in the eye.

"Dance with me?" He asked hopefully. Castiel fled. He couldn't look Dean in the eye. The man was playing him and he was almost falling for it. He was sure that this was a ploy by Lucifer and Dean to make the kingdom weak. The thing was the more he tried to rationalise that train of thought the more it didn't make sense.

Castiel didn't sleep at all the rest of the night and in the morning he was off. A small bag and flight worthy clothes on he said a solemn good bye to his parents. Dean didn't turn up to say good bye but he was sure he saw him in the window of a second floor room.

He had been in the air for about three hours mulling everything over, he still couldn't rationalise why Dean hadn't come to meet him and say good bye if he didn't want him to go. Maybe this was all part of Dean's plan and Lucifer would be waiting for him somewhere. But it just didn't make sense. He continued to fly and Lucifer was nowhere to be seen. Only then did it dawn on him, Cas was truly alone. He stopped for about half an hour in order to rest his wings and eat lunch. He cursed himself for letting his wings get in such bad condition. But it was usually Dean who groomed them so it wasn't much of a surprise. He set off again, determined not to think of Dean.

He wondered why he was cold later that night when he rested for a few hours in the dark. But it was usually Dean who started the fire to keep them warm. That was the thing. It was usually Dean. Dean who sacrificed himself to save his brother, Dean who forced himself to endure Lucifer in order to save Castiel, Dean who had to be held back from sacrificing himself for his father. Dean. It all fell into place for Castiel not long after he remembered what Dean had muttered to the railing the night before.

"I love you" and "I thought you knew that" swirled around his head for hours. He was so stupid. Dean had spent weeks trying to get through to him. Dean who had given everything and got nothing in return. Dean who had forgive him even after being ignored, sidelined and snapped at for days. Dean who wanted him even though he obviously deserved more. Dean who wanted him and he was blinded by his brothers' lies. Dean who loved him.

Castiel felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt like his chest was being ripped in half. His lungs constricted. He couldn't take in air. It was all his fault. Dean was hurting because of him. Dean was sad because of him and Dean was alone because of him. And he could do nothing. He had accepted his place and Earos needed a ruler. Besides Cas couldn't just ask Dean to give up his life and join him in a completely alien country that had never treated him well because Castiel had fucked up.

Cas sat there for a very long time. He spent ages mourning the loss of his and Dean's relationship that had never been. He hated himself. But he had a country to rule and improve. He had a job to do. He was flying again in another hour or so. And arrived fairly close to the time that he originally said he would. He was welcomed back of course. By Anna at least, Michael was currently imprisoned in the tower for assisting Lucifer and reeducation. Hannah was on her way back from some mission Lucifer had sent her on and Gabriel was god knows where. Shame, Castiel thought. If anyone was going to make this a more enjoyable experience it would have been Gabriel.

Dean:

Dean stood on that roof top for what was probably hours after Cas had left. He couldn't quite get his head around it. He had said it, expressed his feelings and now Cas was gone. Dean wasn't surprised though. He'd never had this happen before. Usually it was him running from suitors not the other way around. Not that Cas was technically a suitor.

It was daybreak by the time he'd made it back to the room he'd been staying in. Despite their bitingly cold conversation last night Castiel was right. Earos needed a ruler. Bobby would do a fine job but it was time for Dean to grow up as it were. He'd have to find someone to rule with too. Perhaps he could marry Lisa. She was nice enough. But she wasn't Cas. That was the problem, would always be the problem and Dean had come to resent himself for it.

He was packing the last of his things when he heard a commotion of sorts outside. He looked out of the window to see that Cas was leaving. He hadn't even told him when, or come to say good bye. Dean felt his resolve crack and he broke down into tears. That was how Nathaniel found him later. Thankfully the kind consort said nothing, he reached out to Dean on the floor and held him while he cried. Dean didn't really understand why but he was thankful for it.

"Your carriage is outside Dean. Would you like some company on your journey?" Dean looked up at him. He could see his mother in Nathaniel that was for sure.

"Would King James mind?" Dean didn't want to get the nice man into trouble with his mate if he didn't have to.

"Not at all. Jimmy wanted to come too actually. He wanted to make sure that our alliance still stands I think. He can get another carriage if you like."

"I think I would like your company, I don't really know you husband, perhaps this could help me know him outside the courtroom."

"He is a little vicious in business isn't he," Nathaniel laughed lightly. "We too would enjoy your company."

This was where I thought that My story would end. I've dragged it out a little longer. 

Hopefully that is a comfort to some people. 

I will give them all a good ending I promise!

Ex