Shape of You (+18)

Chapter Fifty

▬▬▬▬Joel's POV▬▬▬▬

She fell asleep not long after I pulled out of my mother's driveway. Her light blonde bangs covered her eyes and her chin was tucked against her collarbone. Whatever they did this weekend clearly wore Ev out. When I stopped at a red light, I glanced in the rear view mirror and noticed the way her cute little nose scrunched up as she shifted, something she'd done since she was a baby.

She'd grown so much since then, but when I looked at her...it was hard not to still see the baby girl that was gifted to me all those years ago.

What the fuck was I thinking? I couldn't take care of a kid, let alone an infant. One that was born three weeks ago. Hell, I was just starting to be able to really take care of myself. At twenty two, I didn't know a damn thing about being a parent and now I was freaking the fuck out.

The sound of Everly cooing made me pause the pacing I was doing to look down at her, asleep in my arms. She was so...tiny. The first time I held her I was scared I'd break her. Jared laughed at me, thinking it was so funny. Lisa didn't care. Didn't even wanna hold her daughter for more than one minute before shoving her into Jared's arms and wanting some space.

I never liked her, but that really pissed me the fuck off. The only reason I wasn't losing my goddamn mind over Jared recently getting locked up for having her shit in his car was because I couldn't afford to not have a level head right now. This baby girl needed me.

More like, you're who she got stuck with.

Fuck.

"You need someone better than me," I sighed, my thumb brushing her rosy cheek, wondering how long she'd stay with me. Once the social worker realized I was a shit guardian, they'd haul her out of my hands and into someone's who's more capable. "The only thing I do right is hold you."

Scrunching up her nose, Everly's mouth moved in her sleep, like she wanted to say something, and I watched, captivated. She was so perfect, and I was anything but. When she turned her face, nuzzling her cheek against my arm, I swear my fucking heart sped up, she was that cute.

...and then she farted.

Correction, she took a shit in my arms.

"Why the fuck do these damn things keep slipping off?!"

By now, Everly was crying, her little arms and legs flailing around on the changing table as I tried for the third time to secure a diaper on her. Every time I thought I'd done it right, it would slip right off her butt.

"Shhh, shhh, I know. Uncle Jay is failing miserably right now, but I'm trying, kiddo."

Groaning in frustration, I swallowed my pride and looked up on YouTube how to change a diaper. Even though my mother had shown me multiple times when she stayed with us the first week, I still didn't have it down.

"Fucking finally!" I cheered, holding her up and watching the stupid poop-catcher stay in place. "Shit, I mean freaking, not fucking—fuck."

I was about ready to call my mother and tell her I was already tainting her innocent grandchild with my inability to control my language when Everly kicked her feet, those big brown eyes looking at me like she didn't even notice that I was making mistakes. Like she didn't even care.