Shape of You (+18)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

▬▬▬▬ Marley's POV ▬▬▬▬

Five days later...

Right now, I stood in the middle of the sanctuary of the church my grandmother attended faithfully the majority of her life, looking around, taking it in. The atmosphere felt heavy, suffocating, even though I was the only one there. Like there wasn't enough air to breathe. Like I should get the hell out of there if I wanted to live, but...I couldn't.

There was an empty space up front that screamed at me, reserved for a casket.

Her casket.

I hate funerals.

I'd spent most of the last few days making sure everything Grams would have wanted was done. That her favorite flowers, lilies, were all over the church, fresh and fragrant. Beautiful. A bundle tied off at the end of every other pew, with the larger bouquets settled in vases set on the windowsills. Accents of purple, her favorite color, were splattered throughout the room in ribbons tied around the flowers, meant to match her casket that would arrive any second now.

I looked down at my dress, plain and black, draped over my body in a complimentary but conservative way, ending at my ankles, just above the matching wedges I wore. I had on one of her necklaces, a simple string of pearls, and my hair was tied back with little bits of hair left out to frame my face. Maybe they'd be able to distract people from my sad red eyes.

I kept my makeup minimal, knowing I'd be a wreck, not wanting to look like a raccoon on the day I officially say goodbye to the most influential person in my life. Waterproof mascara, clear lip gloss, and just a tad bit of concealer to hide the bags under my eyes. I was presentable on the outside, but on the inside...a storm was raging.

Ring ring!

The funeral director was calling, letting me know they'd arrived with the casket. With Grams. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I walked toward the front entrance of the church and opened the door, forcing a welcoming smile on my face as I greeted the men in suits, here to help with the service.

"Come on in," I said, my heart beating so loud it drowned out my own voice as I spoke.

Here we go.

***

The service went by smoothly, though mentally I wasn't really there. By the time the pastor finished the eulogy, I had just begun to come out of my thoughts. My guilt ridden, pain stricken thoughts. We all left the church, most people lingering outside while they wheeled away Grams in her casket, taking her off to be cremated. The repass would take place in the mess hall of the church in a little while, where they held their Sunday dinners. I just wanted to get the day over with, but for now, I was busy accepting words of sympathy from people that knew Grams.

People that knew her, but didn't know me. People I'd never even met before now. People I'd soon forget about by morning.

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"She was a great woman."

"It was a lovely homegoing. She'd be proud."

And my favorite. "My sincerest condolences to you and your family."

Despite me being listed as her only surviving relative. Despite not having any brothers, or sisters, or cousins. Despite all of that being known, people still gave condolences to me and my family. A family that no longer existed on this planet. A family that died and left me behind. A family I didn't have anymore.