Shape of You (+18)

Chapter Thirty-Seven

▬▬▬▬ Marley's POV ▬▬▬▬

When I woke up, I was alone.

The space beside me was vacant, the white sheets soft and rumpled where Joel used to be. My hand instinctively reached out, feeling a lingering warmth on his spot.

He must have just gotten up.

Rolling flat on my back, I closed my eyes again and let last night replay in my mind. The way he held me, so close, so gentle yet strong. The way he ran his hands down my back, lulling me to sleep. The sound of his heart beating beneath my face, the feel of it, a little faster than I thought was normal, but steady just the same.

I could still feel his lips on my forehead even as I drifted off. Could smell him, so close, so comforting, and all man.

My man.

At least, that's what it felt like we admitted to each other last night. That's how it felt each time we got closer. Each time we shared something new.

Each time he was inside me.

But, he made the right call, postponing sex. Waking up now, I realized I wasn't really in the right state of mind. In fact, my mind was complete chaos—a flood of grief and shame. And already, I felt the tears slowly falling again. I wasn't sobbing, like I had been all day yesterday. I wasn't even making a sound. The tears just tracked down my cheeks, rolling over my jaw and pooling on my neck.

This was the first day of my life that didn't start with Grams physically in it and it hurt. It hurt like fucking hell.

Five minutes. Five minutes and then I'd take that first step of the day, because even though it seemed like the world ended yesterday, it didn't. And even though I felt like that lost eleven year old girl I was when my parents died, I wasn't.

For them, for Grams, I had to keep going.

And so, I tried.

One step at a time.

***

Slowly making my way downstairs, I could hear chatter and smell bacon in the air. My stomach rumbled and I nervously made my way toward the kitchen.

From the hall, I could see Joel in his dining room, at the table, slightly bent down, talking to his daughter. I lingered where I stood, my eyes shifting from his profile to Everly, who was nodding her head while eating pancakes. Neither one noticed me, but the anticipation of facing them both after my last experience here had my anxiety rising.

"So, Daddy has a guest over, Ev," I heard him say. "You remember Miss Marley, don't you?"

"Yeah," she mumbled through her food.

"Well, you'll be seeing her a lot more often now, so I want you to be on your best behavior, okay? She may be sad for a while, so we have to do our best to make her smile when we can."

My heart was doing somersaults in my chest at his words.

"Why is she sad?"

After a second's pause to think about his answer, he began, "You remember Willy? Your bunny? You were so sad when he died. You remember that?"

"Yeah! I loved Willy so much," she frowned.

"Well, Miss Marley lost someone very important to her. Someone she loved very much."

Grams' face flashed in my mind and I had to look away from them, blinking to clear the sting from my eyes. A couple hours did nothing to ease the ache.