To Be So Lonely || l.s. ✓

Chapter 50

"Harry, love, what are you doing?" Louis chuckled as he walked through the front door.

Harry, who was previously in a headstand, collapsed in a heap on the floor.

Louis immediately rushed over, his eyes widened, trying to stop his laughter. "Are you okay?"

"You made me jump." Harry pouted, rolling onto his side.

"Sorry sweetheart. May I ask why you were on your head?"

"Yoga. I'm trying it out. Do you wanna join me?"

"I'll pass, thanks. I brought you a smoothie. And a bagel with avocado and shit."

"But you hate avocado." Harry raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but I love you and I know you like them."

"I love you so much." Harry smiled. "And Lou, guess what."

"What?"

"I haven't cut in a week. I've been trying really hard."

"Oh babe, I'm so proud of you."  Louis grinned, opening his arms.

Harry sat up immediately crawling into Louis's arms. "Thank you. I threw them out, the blades I mean. But I'll probably buy more." Harry warned. "I got really panicky the other day and tossed them out. I didn't wanna say anything because I wanted to get to at least 5 days without them."

"And you did it. You got past 5 days. I'm so proud of you beautiful."

Harry's smile grew wide as Louis hugged him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Shall we eat?"

"We shall Prince Harry."

"Think I may be able to eat the whole thing." Harry bit his lip, "I think."

"Eat what you feel able to." Louis nodded, "it would be really good if you can eat it all though "

"Can we eat down here? On the floor?"

"Yeah." Louis leaned over to grab the bag, "I got you a strawberry and banana smoothie. Is that okay?"

"It's perfect. I really, really love you."

"I love you too." Louis smiled, they'd been saying that for a couple of months now, but it still brought butterflies to his stomach.

Harry pulled the bagel apart, placing a small bit in his mouth and beginning to chew. "This is good." Harry murmured.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Thank you."

Harry had soon finished the bagel, and Louis was beyond proud when he took half an apple as well.

"I'm so proud of you. Really, really proud."

"You've helped me so much Louis. Like, just by telling me you're proud of me, and by believing in me." Harry looked down, fiddling with his hands.

"And you've helped yourself, by letting me help you." Louis smiled softly, running his thumb along Harry's cheek.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Harry beamed.

"You're so cheesy." Louis laughed, leaning into Harry's side. "But you're the best thing that's happened to me as well."

"It's hot in here." Harry huffed. "D'you mind if I take my jumper off?"

"You can do what you want."

"You don't mind seeing the scars?"

"No, of course not. They're a part of you and not something you can change. If you feel comfortable taking off your jumper, I'm comfortable with it."

"Okay." Harry nodded, he quickly removed his jumper, running his hand over his arms.

"It's alright," Louis took his hand, "you don't have to hide them. I won't stare."

"I know you've seen them before a couple of times, I just feel like I need to ask beforehand."

"Don't feel like that, the answer is yes all the time. You can show your scars whenever you want."

"Okay." Harry bit his lip.

"Wanna invite the boys over?"

"Do you think it's time they know? About, you know, this." He motioned to his arm.

"They don't have to know if you don't want them to."

"But maybe if they know I can stop hiding it? I mean it's getting hot, and I don't wanna have to hide forever. I don't know though. I mean, I've not even managed to stop yet. And it's a big step."

"Do you feel ready to take the step?" Louis pulled Harry into him, Harry lying down and resting his head on Louis's lap.

His eyes met Louis's, "I don't think I'll ever be. So I may as well do it today?" He tilted his head slightly. "Might just not wear a jumper. Then they'll know, but like, I won't have to tell them. They'll ask but I won't have to start it."

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea." Louis nodded, running a hand through Harry's curls. "If you're sure?"

"I think I need to do this."

"I'll invite them over." Louis nodded. He was scared that this would go wrong, that Harry would freak out, but at the same time he knew that this could be a good idea, and he had no right to dictate what Harry did.

//

"Hi." Harry opened the door, giving a tight smile as he hid his arm behind his back.

"Alright lads? How ya doing?" Niall grinned, Zayn and Liam following him in.

"I'm alright." Harry shrugged, "quite good."

They walked into the living room, and Harry knew that Liam had noticed his arms when he froze up a bit, his eyes flicking back and forth.

It didn't take too long for Niall and Zayn to notice, and Harry shifted uncomfortably as he felt their stares penetrate his skin.

Louis wrapped an arm around Harry's waist, giving him a comforting squeeze. "You're okay." He muttered.

"Ask what you want." Harry avoided eye contact, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

"Are you okay?" Liam asked immediately, obvious concern etched into his face.

"Getting there." Harry answered honestly.

"You, how long have you been doing that?" Niall frowned.

"Couple of years, just before we went on hiatus."

Niall stood up, sitting on the other side of Harry and hugging him tightly.

"So, um, why?" Zayn asked, and Harry assumed he meant why to his eating habits as well.

"Depression and anxiety." Harry answered simply, "I don't wanna talk too much about it. But I've been clean for a week." He admitted, shrugging his shoulders as he looked down.

"I'm proud of you." Zayn smiled.

"Thanks." Harry returned the smile. "I just thought it was time for you to know, because like, I don't wanna have to not wear short sleeves around you anymore."

"We're all really proud of you." Liam nodded, "thank you for telling us."

Harry stood up, Louis following his lead and he opened his arms slightly. The rest of them getting the hint and joining the group hug.

Louis pressed a kiss to the side of his head, whispering an "I love you so much."

And for the first time in a long time, Harry felt truly loved by all the important people in his life.

if you want something to read, please read 'Glory and Gore' - my ongoing fic, 'Exile' - another ongoing, but shorter & 'Tempest' - completed.