To Be So Lonely || l.s. ✓

Chapter 18

"Do you have any songs recorded on your phone that you haven't released."

"I know where this is going and no you can't listen to them."

"Why not? I want to be your number 1 fan and how can I do that if I don't have insider information?"

"You have plenty of insider information."

"Like what? The fact that you're fully gay?" Louis raised his eyebrows, "cause that's probably about it."

"I'll put them on but I'm skipping the really personal ones."

"Okay." Louis nodded. "What's this one?"

"Um, it's called Complicated Freak." Harry told him.

Louis raised his eyebrows again, "about you?"

"Oi."

"No, no,I didn't mean that. It's just the way you said it."

"Oh...well, kinda. But don't think of it like that."

"That just makes me think of it like that."

"Then I'll skip the song." Harry moved to take his phone.

"Okay, okay, I won't. It's about Niall."

"Not sure Niall will be happy with that." Harry murmured, "I'm going for a wee."

"Okay." Louis watched after him as he listened to the song.

It had a calm but sad feeling to it at the start, but as it hit the chorus it got more loud and the emotion in his voice was raw. He was singing about himself just as the name suggested, as a freak. It hurt Louis's heart that Harry felt like this about himself, and that they hadn't been there to help him.

"Harry, I'm always here if you need to talk." Louis said as soon as Harry entered the room.

"I don't need to talk, I'm good. That was just a phase I went through. Plus, you said you wouldn't think of it as being about me."

"I lied. It's hard not to innit?"

Harry huffed, "liar."

"I'm sorry. Oh my god-"

"It's fine Louis, it's just thunder, it won't hurt you."

"How do you know that? It's out to get me I swear."

Harry turned the music up, sighing as another one of his vulnerable songs came on, "Half the world away." Harry told Louis as he opened his mouth, presumably to ask what it was called.

Louis began to stuff his mouth with the pasta again, frowning as he listened to the lyrics, 'and I started drinking, I don't know half of what I'm thinking, I'm deep in I'm scared I'll stop breathing.'

"I should probably turn these off now." He said suddenly, "put something else on. And also, it doesn't say 'I started excessively drinking and became an alcoholic', it just says 'started drinking'. Difference."

"Not much. You still turned to alcohol."

"Did not." He grumbled.

"But you have."

"Not really. Only sometimes but everyone does sometimes."

"Not as often as you."

"Depends what they're going through."

"It doesn't make it healthy."

"Never said it did. This is a pointless conversation. It's not going anywhere. Now I'm going for a piss."