To Be So Lonely || l.s. ✓

Chapter 25

"Right. Come on kids, food's ready!" Liam called as he handed out their food.

Harry made sure to sit at the end of the table, feeling enclosed certainly wouldn't help him, and he fidgeted with his hands as he stared down.

He began to pick at his burger, taking off the excess bread before taking a small bite. He managed half the burger and some fries before he was full and couldn't eat anymore.

Louis nudged him, looking down to his food but Harry just shook his head.

"Why not?" Louis asked quietly, the rest of the boys still having their conversation.

"Can't. I'm full."

"What about the mcflurry?"

"Can't. I'm full."

"Harry, you've not eaten enough."

"I have. And since when was it any concern of yours? I'm going to the toilet." Harry stood up and left, but made no move to go to the bathroom, instead going into the spare bedroom where he had slept last night and lying down on the bed. He curled up on his side, facing away from the door as the feeling of sickness arose in his stomach.

He screwed his eyes shut, inhaling deeply before bringing his hands up to his face. He just wanted to go home and sleep, not be interrogated about his eating habits- which weren't anyone's business.

He began to cry softly, not properly crying but his throat feeling like it had been squeezed and a few tears making their way down his face and onto the pillow.

And 10 minutes later when Harry still hadn't returned Louis went to look for him. He knocked on the door, peering in slowly.

"I just need a minute." Harry croaked.

Louis ignored him and sat down on the edge of the bed, "what's going on with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not."

"Whatever. I'm not then. I'm not fine."

"I need you to be honest with me. Your eating, you're not eating properly, are you?"

Harry just shrugged, "I'm eating fine. I'm not dead, am I?"

"But you're not eating properly."

"No." He finally admitted, dropping his voice to a whisper. "B-but I'm okay. I'm not starving myself or anything."

"What are you doing then?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"When the others leave I want to talk to you about it."

"I don't wanna talk about it but can they leave now? They don't have to I just-"

"Of course. I'll tell them you're not feeling well."

"Thanks." Harry grabbed the blanket, pulling it up to his chin.

//

"So-"

"I'm just not eating that as often as I should." Harry huffed, "I'll leave it a couple of days and then have a meal over the day or something. I don't know. Just not eating that regularly." Harry shut his eyes as tears pricked in them.

"Why not?" Louis frowned, bringing his knees under him as he readjusted on the chair next to the bed.

"Because...because, I don't know. I think it started when I just couldn't eat much. Like I was never hungry and if I was I'd get full really quickly. And then I got used to that and just kind of gradually stopped because it was one of the few things I can actually control. And now I just can't bring myself to do it. If I eat I feel disgusting and stuff." Harry curled up into a smaller ball, feeling incredibly vulnerable. "You wont tell anyone, right? It's bad enough you know, but if everyone knows it will be shittier."