To Be So Lonely || l.s. ✓

Chapter 21

"Louis, I don't, I-can you leave?" Harry bit the inside of his cheek, a frown falling onto his face. "I-I forgot you were here. 'm sorry-" He sat up on the sofa where he had fallen asleep last night, Louis taking the other sofa.

"I'm not going anywhere Harry." Louis said sternly. "Go and get ready or whatever and then I want to talk to you."

Harry stood up silently, he knew there was no point in arguing. He shuffled into the bedroom, his head pounding. "Can you get me some paracetamol? 'm gonna have a shower."

"Yeah course."

"Top of the cupboard near the sink." He mumbled. "I feel like shit."

"Well-"

"Don't lecture me. It's none of your business." Harry shut the bathroom door behind him, stripping off and clambering into the shower.

He emerged 20 minutes later, after having cried and cut as well as washing. Fuck Louis. Fuck him for coming over. And fuck him for actually possibly caring.

"Hey," Louis greeted him as he left the bathroom, "I've got ready, Niall brought me some clothes over last night."

"He did? W-what does he think? What did you tell him?"

"Don't worry, all I told him was you needed someone there."

"Thank you." Harry let out a sigh of relief, taking the paracetamol from where Louis was holding it out.

"It's not my place to to around talking about you behind your back. But, I do need to talk to you now."

"I'm gonna smoke a joint first." He said quietly, "please."

"No you're not."

"Dick." Harry mumbled. "It's not your life."

"No, but I'm not gonna let you do this."

"Do what?" Harry sighed.

"You haven't spoken to any of us in two weeks-"

"Just using the good old tactic." Harry murmured, "you know the one. But yeah, couldn't talk to anyone."

"Why not?" Louis asked softly.

"Because. Shit happens."

"What happened?"

"Well...nothing really, nothing in particular."

"Then what caused you disappear for two weeks and start drinking and getting high for one?"

"Life. Innit?"

"Harry, for fuck's sake."

"You have no right to force me to tell you."

"I need to know."

"No Louis, you don't need to know. You just want to know so you can see what a mess I've become."

"I'm fucking worried about you, you twat." Louis sighed, running a hand over his face, "please."

Harry sat there for a while in silence, "it wasn't anything." He finally murmured.

"Harry, please."

"That's the thing. I don't have a reason. I just couldn't do anything, I-I actually couldn't do anything. Had no motivation, or I dunno, I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed and I was upset and then I couldn't take it- the feelings- so I, you know. I had to take something to make me feel better." He sat back, talking into his lap.

"Oh god, um, does this happen often?" Louis moved closer to him.

"Um, it uh, it can do. Not loads, I can usually get through it, but I dunno. Sometimes it gets too much. Fuck, this is so embarrassing. I'm not saying anything else."