unconventional

Always

Authors Note:

I'm sorry....👀😶

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"Hey." She says, standing up as I approach the table. Giving her a quick kiss, I sit down across from her without a word.

"So, what the fuck happened?" I ask after a few beats of silence. She picks at the tablecloth, obviously nervous for this conversation and the uncertainty that lies ahead.

"I first want to apologize for just everything, for not calling you first and asking if it was okay, for not leaving when I obviously should have left, just for everything. I truly, truly am sorry."

"I know Sarah, I know that you didn't mean to hurt me."

"I never, never want to hurt you, Scout. I know I have in the past and it literally kills me inside." She reaches across the table, laying her hand softly over mine.

Rubbing her thumb softly over my knuckles, I nearly melt into her touch.

"I just don't want you to stray, Sarah."

"What do you mean? Why would I stray?"

"Because that's literally how this started." I answer honestly, meeting her eyes from across the table. "And I like to think that i'm different and you won't do what you did to Holland to me, but after last night I just don't know if I believe that anymore."

"You think I would cheat on you?" When I don't answer the air becomes uncomfortably thick, almost as if the entire energy shifted. "Do you trust me, Scout?"

"Of course, I trust you." I spit out almost immediately, my words fall flat and sound just as insincere as they are. "No, Sarah, I don't trust you. I trust you with my life but I don't trust you not to hurt me. I don't trust you with my heart."

She nods slowly, her eyes glossing over, a single tear rolls down her cheek but she quickly wipes it away. Letting go of my hand, she quickly dabs the corners of her eyes with the napkin on the table.

"Okay, well I think we know what we need to do then." She says after a few moments of silence, the fiddles with her hands under the table, her eyes not meeting mine.

"But, I don't want too."

"I know, I don't want to either." She looks up, her eyes locking onto mine. I didn't even realize I was crying until I felt the tear hit my hand, looking down the tiny drops glistens ontop of the diamond sititng on my finger.

Beautiful irony.

"But we have too." I say nodding, looking back up to the woman across the table. She nods, a small smile lifting the edge of her lips up.

"Yes, we do."

I slide the ring off of my finger, and hold it in the palm of my hand. Reaching across the table, I lay my hand softly ontop of hers like she did mine a few moments ago.

Spinning her hand around, I let the ring sit between our two palms and watch as the realization slowly hits her.

Our eyes never leave one anothers, tears falling desperately from both of our eyes. I knew in that moment what that saying finally meant:

If you love something, let it go.

And our love was amazing, deeply and truly amazing. Even when it was horrible and confusing and hard, it was worth it.

Sarah was worth it.

"I love you." She says softly, her voice breaking.

"I love you."

I gathered my things a few moments later, she dabbed her eyes and wiped her nose. Standing up from the table, she holds her arms out and I gladly crawled in.

Inhaling her scent, feeling her heart beat against mine. So much love crammed into one embrace.

"Unconditional but unconventional." I say with a small smile, pulling away and wiping the tears off the sides of her face. My hands sit softly on her cheeks.

"Unconditional but unconventional, indeed."

She presses her lips softly against mine, breaking the kiss with a smile.

Walking away, our hands intertwined, they dropped once I got too far out of reach. I turned around, with puffy wet eyes and blew her a kiss.

This was the second time I had walked away from Sarah Paulson, it was not easier or harder. Because even though it ended, I couldn't help but smile because it happened.

I knew what it felt like to love someone with all of me and more, and I knew what it felt like to have someone love me the same.

That is the beautiful thing about love, because even when it ends in fire, war, blood and screams it's always worth it.

Always.