unconventional

I Love Her and I Hate It

I walked down the all to familiar street, memories flooding my brain. These streets held so much of my childhood, it was very nostalgic.

I saw my parents a few feet ahead. Walking out of the small grocery store on the corner, my Father did a double take before tapping my Mother on the shoulder.

They both turned to me with a smile. Walking over my Dad picks up his step a little and throws his arms around me. Rocking my body back in forth in his stormg grip, my Mother simply shakes her head with a small smile.

"Oh my baby! My sweet little melanin baby!" He yells loudly as peoples heads turn to the large, screaming black man.

"Jay, will you let the poor girl go."

"Just let me love my child, Tania." After a few more moments of that he finally lets me go, my Mother wraps her arms around me.

"It's good to see you baby, you look good."

"Thank you, Mama." Letting go she caresses my cheek softly and looks at me with a smile. "Now, let's get food, yeah?" I say with my arm around her shoulders turning to look at my Dad, who was wiping tears from his eyes.

"He's such a baby."

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"So, how is everything?" My Mother asks as we sit down on the patio of my Grandmothers old house. A strange feeling to say the least, to be in her space without her near.

It felt good to be home nonetheless.

"Everything is good, yeah. Work is going well and-"

"You have a new girlfriend?" She interupts, takint a sip from her tea and cocking and eyebrow at me. My Father swings his head around to me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Girlfriend?" He asks raising his voice, the two of us stare at one another for a second before he bursts into laughter. "I'm just playing, you've been gay as hell since you could talk. Continue."

"I do not have a new girlfriend." I say looking between the both of them, who obviously don't believe me.

"I still think you should make things work with Dianna but hey, don't ask the black man." My Dad says standing up from the table and taking in a few empty plated with him.

I roll my eyes watching him strut away. With a small smirk on his face. Turning back to my Mother she remains unchanged, her gaze is suffocating.

"So, who is she?"

"I told you Mom, I don't have a girlfriend."

"Then what is she if she's not a girlfriend?"

"She's- she's complicated."

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"You alright?" Sarah asks coming up from behind me on set.

"Yeah, i'm good why?"

"Last night you seemed kind of off when I left."

"I'm good Sarah." I show her a smile, hoping the interragation will end. Slowly a smile forms on her face and I thank my lucky stars i'm a good actress.

"Okay." We start to walk away together, I stop at the craft table and grab a few things. "So, movie tonight?"

"Sure." She shows me a small smile, glancing around us before pressing a kiss to the side of my head and walking off in the other direction.

Watching her walk away I get overcome with sadness. Every part of me is telling me to end this, to just say I can't see her anymore and let her go. Let her be with her girlfriend, and let me move the fuck on with my life.

But I can't, I can't do that because I love her.

I love her and I hate it.