forever my baby

𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲 𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞

church bells rang as i took a step forward. i feel the wet, cold grass under my bare feet. i see everyone gathering around walking inside of the church. i knew where i was. i hurry inside to try and get a seat in the front. i was never a religious person and yet here i was at a church. the casket was pretty, it looked expensive. white roses all around it. i smiled a little. they didn't get me red roses. even as an adult, they still thought i hated clichés. i heard familiar voices then saw my family come to the front row and sit next to me. they didn't acknowledge me. they were dressed in all black. everyone was. i looked at the casket and began to feel scared. "parker." i softly call out his name but he doesn't move. his jaw shakes violently. his eyes are puffy and red. i look at the pain in his eyes. he really does love me. madeline sits to the right of him, sandwiched between him and my dad. she looks around innocently not knowing what's going on. then there's my dad. my poor dad. it wasn't hard to see that he was heartbroken. i got up and kneeled in front of him. "it's okay dad." i put my hand on his. i'm shocked as i feel his hand. i thought i was a ghost but i could actually feel his hand. i hug him. i wish i could tell him how much he means to me. there's no reaction from him though. i move away and look at the crowd. my brother, my best friends, liam, my mother, they all were here. the door opens. my mouth slowly drops open when i recognize who walked in. "mae?" i call out her name while rushing to get to her. she looks lost. i run up to her and i hug her so tight. "i haven't seen you in like years i-" she walks away and i remember that no one can see or hear me. i see her slowly make her way up to the front. my family welcoms her and makes room for her. the church bells ring again and everything gets darker. a pastor welcomes everyone and starts the service... my service. i start to get emotional as i stare at the casket once more. i'm scared but i walk towards it anyways. i stand right in front of it and i look behind me to see everyone crying. it hurts my heart. i turn back around and put my hand on the top. the sniffling and crying gets louder. i slowly open it and when i see myself laying there i let out a scream. my hands cover my mouth as i cry. i wasn't pretty and dolled up. i was pale, my lips were a light blue and my gash above my eyebrows was bleeding. i had scratches all over my face. i never got to see what i looked like while i was dead until now. it was horrifying. i closed the lid immediately. i had to wake up.

"had a rough night?" my dad says getting me out of my head. "hmm?" i turn to look at him. "you look tired, you have bags under your eyes." he looks concerned as always. "i'm okay." i look down at my hands and put my mug down. "mason said you were crying in your sleep." he takes the mug and washes it.

man i'm so embarrassing. i cried in my sleep?

i act like it was nothing. "bear if you're not feeling well you have to tell someone. if not me then tell liam." my dad comes around the kitchen to face me. "dad, trust me. i'm okay. you know i'd talk to you." i try to convince him.

"okay." he kisses my forehead then goes back into the kitchen. i sigh sitting at the island. i was getting so bored in this house it was actually making me crazier. "i would like to go outside though. i know i can't do things like i used to but i can still walk." i watch him open the fridge. "you're not supposed to be walking. your ribs needs to heal." i roll my eyes.

"i only walk when i go to the bathroom." i look around. i needed to move out to be honest. "shit! i need to go grocery shopping." he closes the fridge door. "i can go! let me go please!" i beg him.

"no."

"dad seriously i'm okay. i won't be okay if you make me stay in this house. please i'm begging you." i whine.

"you can't even drive." he's starting to give in. "you can drive." i say with a big smile.

"fine."

"yes! let's go!" i slowly get off the chair and walk to get my purse on the couch. "your doctor would kill me if he knew how much i let you walk."

☀︎☀︎☀︎

"we also need sour cream, taco shells, ground beef, and cheese." i read the list out loud. "you're making tacos tonight? yum." my dad pushes the cart to a different aisle and i follow him slowly. "yes i am. you can't help me though, i got it all under cont-" i stop mid sentence.

my dream had to have been a sign.

"mae?" i say out loud catching the girls attention. she looks at me and my dad startled then gasps. "mari? no way!" she puts back the milk she had in her hand and runs up to give me a hug. she stops midway when she sees what's wrong with me. "oh my gosh, what happened?" she covers her mouth. "car accident." i say casually.

"she died and came back to life. she's technically a zombie." my dad jokes and i hit his arm. mae nervously laughs not knowing if my dad was telling the truth or not. "how are you? it's been forever!" i ask wanting to hug her so bad.

"good! i'm good. i live in oregon now, i'm just visiting the fam. how are you? you look amazing given the circumstances." she says excitedly.

mae looked so different, older. time flies.

"thanks. i'm doing okay. my daughter is three now. time goes by so fast." i say making her eyes pop open. "get out of here, you have a three year old daughter? where is she?"

i forgot mae and i fell off towards the very end of senior year. i never told her i was pregnant.

"she's with her dad. i can show you a picture." i show her my lockscreen on my phone. another gasp. "she is the cutest thing. oh my god my heart! she looks just like you. there's no way you had a baby."

"i did, life is crazy. what about you? do you plan on having three kids still?" i laugh remembering a talk we had awhile back. "hell no, not until i'm thirty-five. kids take up too much time in your life, i just want to get rich, buy a yacht and be single."

classic mae.

"amen to that." i laugh soaking up all this joy. "man i've missed you." i frown feeling bad. "if you missed me so much why haven't you called me?" she crossed her arms. i scoff. "i have called you, like a million times. you just never answer." i defend myself. "oh... right... i got a new phone number before i left to college," mae covers her face. "sorry!"

"no big deal, give me your new number."

we spent the next twenty minutes just catching up and talking about the past. it made me miss being a kid again. how did we grow up so fast?

i let her go and she hugged me on my good side then continued to shop.

"i remember her. she's was a good friend." my dad says when i come back to him. "yeah she is. i haven't seen her in years dad." i settle down from being so excited. "i remember you guys would have movie nights in the living room every saturday." my dad brings up another memory.

"oh yeah! i'm glad i at least remember her and the times we had together." i say smiling. "everything will come back to you, just give it time."

☀︎☀︎☀︎

a/n: happy valentines day luvs<3 i miss you guys. tell me how your valentines day went!! i'm single asf so i was chilling with my mom lmao.